Love Me Until I Die (BxB)

16 - You're Too Good For Me

I have a plan. It's a really horrible, terrible and idiotic plan. But it is the only plan I've got.

I've already made up my mind so there's no going back now. I called Logan and asked him to meet me at some place deserted, where no one could find us, where no one could hear a gunshot. Why? Because I'm a complete moron who thought it would be a good idea for him to shoot me. Well, not shoot me directly obviously but close to me so I'd be able to hear the sound of it.

Ever since that day when Audrey was attacked I've been on edge. I can't help but blame myself. If I hadn't been so careless maybe the killer wouldn't still be out there, free, doing whatever she wishes with no consequences.

I don't ever want to feel like that again. I don't want to be the reason why the killer escaped. She knows my weakness and she will surely use it against me and if I don't figure out how not to have a panic attack whenever I hear a gunshot then who knows what will happen next. Hopefully with Logan's help I'll be able to overcome my fear.

Oh, jeez, now I'm starting to realize how ridiculous this whole plan is. What is even the point of it all? If she shoots me then I'll no longer be alive. Whether I have panic attack or not is irrelevant considering I'd be dead by the time bullet reaches my body. Although there is a slight chance she will miss. I mean she missed the first time she tried to kill me so I suppose this plan isn't completely useless.

I already called Logan so I might as well try it, right? What could go wrong? Besides the possibility of me having a total mental breakdown in front of him. He wouldn't laugh at me though. At least I don't think he would. If he does I'll... Well, he better not!

Anyways, I'll get going now. I have a lot to do today. Wish me luck. I'll talk to you soon.

Love, Tyler.

***

"Hey, Ian, can I talk to you for a sec?" I asked as I noticed my stepbrother who was headed towards our dorm.

He became immobile once he heard my voice. "What is it?"

"Uh, I'm going to this party my friend invited me to. It's on next Friday. Wear something cool."

"And why should I do that?" He breathed out an annoyed sigh.

"Because you're coming." I answered.

"I don't want to." Ian's eyes glazed over with boredom and disinterest.

"You have to." I tried to persuade him. "I know you. Once I'm no longer here you'll just stay in your room all day. If I don't force you out of your comfort zone now then you certainly won't do it when you're by yourself. I'm worried you're not making any friends. I don't want you to be alone when I'm gone."

"First of all, what's so wrong with being alone?" He glowered. "And secondly you should stop worrying about other people and start worrying about yourself. It's not your job to take care of me. I'm an adult too, you know. I can take care of myself."

"I just want you to socialize a bit more." For some reason all the energy inside my body slowly faded but somehow I managed to keep my eyes open. "Ever since we got here I haven't seen you talk to one person besides me and even then I'm the one initiating the conversation. I don't think that's healthy for you. I'm not trying to mother you or anything. All I want is for you to be happy."

"Look, Tyler, I appreciate your concern but I don't think you're in the position to be worrying about somebody else's health right now. When was the last time you looked in a mirror? You're becoming paler every day. Why don't you stop butting into my business and take care of yourself for once."