As I Collide, I See I Am a Paradox // White Collar

FIFTY-TWO

Trapped in the middle of a forest.
Nowhere to turn,
Nowhere to run.

~

Kira lay in her room, staring up at the ceiling. It's been a long few days. That's not anything unusual. Ever since her return from Copenhagen, she's been running on fumes. A ticking bomb waiting to go off and Kira has done all she can to suppress it. But this job, this stupid job, spent an unusual amount of time nagging at her senses. It was a fairly simple job — one she would have done by herself once upon a time — but for some reason everything just felt a little labored. Everyone was tense. She spent enough time trying to calm the rabid animals called Neal Caffrey and Ryan Wilkes, but that didn't do anything to calm her nerves. Jayson surprised her, though. He was calm and collected just as he's been taught. And while he's sitting there all calm and collected, he's watching his "teachers" lose their nerves over such a simple job. The plan was flawless. James Bryan and his wife, Melinda would be out tonight, which was when they would make their move. Mozzie knows the ins and outs of the Bryan house like he knows the back of his hand. He'll tell them if anyone's coming and he'll scrub the camera feed for them. She, Wilkes, and Marty would enter, get the Hope Diamond, and get out.

But as Kira looked at her blank, pale ceiling above her, she couldn't help but analyze everything that could go wrong. Some security system they can't get past when they get inside? If the Hope Diamond isn't at the house? No rest for the wicked, she thought.

But what they were doing wasn't really wicked, was it? Kira has lost track of the number of times she's asked herself that question or words to that effect. A small part of her, perhaps the moral part, always questioned whether this was right, whether she was doing this or whatever job for the right reasons. But this is for Neal. This is to save him, so this has to be right. This is justifiable, right?

Maybe that was what was tiring: The constant doubt. Ever since Copenhagen that's been her problem. She's doubted herself and who she is. Her morality. Ever since she's learned about...mom. Andrea. She's blamed herself, she's questioned herself and that's no way to enter a heist. If anyone might make a mistake, it'd most likely be her. Her head's not in it. Not since Copenhagen.

Now she was stealing to return already stolen items. Yes, she remembered just as it was yesterday, Jayson sitting across from her at the Blue Spoon Coffee Company, the pain in his eyes when he talked about his family's history with the Hope Diamond and how it was lost to them. And now she thought that this couldn't be easy for Jayson, either, could it? The Hope Diamond is rightfully his and here soon he will have to watch them hand it over to a man like Ryan Wilkes.

And here she thought it would get it easier. And it did. The score was easy. Break in when the residents leave and get out. But the stakes remained the same. Someone would still be getting hurt either way.

Jayson.

There was a knock at the door and Kira wondered if Jayson had super powers when he heard her thinking about him. She wanted to roll her eyes when she saw him poke his head through. "Still up?" He asked.

"Evidently."

Jayson pushed the door open a bit more and moved forward into the room to sit on the end of her bed. Kira shifted slightly under the covers even though he was nowhere near touching her. Yet. She shook her head, trying to dislodge that thought. Jayson was looking at her intently.