As I Collide, I See I Am a Paradox // White Collar

ELEVEN

I should have known you would destroy my life.
But alas, I didn't.

~

Kira snuggled into Matthew's side on her queen-sized bed. Both wide-awake. A sheet covered Kira's body as she laid her head on his bare chest. She listened to the thump of his heart beat while his hand played with her hair.

Th-thump... Th-thump... Th-thump...

A smile forms on her face. She closes her eyes and sighs in content. She loved the sound of his heart. She didn't quite know why, but there was something about it. She could fall asleep to it's gentle beats, but feeling it pump rapidly when they...messed around, only made her want to make it beat faster and faster.

"It's amazing, you know." Kira says softly.

"What is?"

"Your heart." A large grin spreads across her face, "It's been beating since before you were even born and it's still going. And it'll keep going and going your whole life. It never stops. It never gets tired." She said, sounding amazed at the organ.

"But everyone's does that. What's so great about mine?"

She chuckles. "Because it's your's. It keeps you alive. And I kind of like your life." She said, gently running her fingers over his chest. He smiled and kissed the top of her head, "Kind of?"

She lets out a soft laugh, "Just a little." He chuckles. His chest shakes from his laugh. Kira smiles from it, then continues, "I just love listening to your heartbeat. Even just to feel it."

Matthew takes Kira's hand and presses his finger against her wrist where he could feel a gentle, rhythmic pulsation. She looked down at their hands and smiled at his gesture.

A silence consumes them. Kira's mind wanders from Matthew's heart and to her nightmare two days ago. She would be lying if she said her nightmares weren't a constant thing, but they were. Kira felt safe in Matthew's arms and she felt that maybe she could tell him. Speaking in a soft whisper, she starts, "It was about my parents."

"What was?"

She hesitates to answer. "My nightmare."

"Did something happen to them?"

"I don't know. I don't know anything." Her eyes start burning with tears, but she holds them back, "A part of me hopes that they...died or they couldn't take care of me instead of facing the fact that they didn't want me. No one did." A tear betrays her and falls. Kira lifts her head from his chest and lets go of his hand to wipe it away before it falls on him. She sniffles and lays her head back down, "Sorry."

Matthew's gaze shifts to the right in remembrance, "My father used to drink a lot. He'd get a little, uh..." Matthew clenches his jaw tightly, "unpredictable sometimes." He inhales shakily, "I remember this one time, when I was fourteen, he was yelling at my mother and he grabbed her. I tried to get him away from her, but he just took out his gun and he..." He trails off. Kira's eyes sadden. She reaches for his hand again and holds it, giving it a small squeeze. He half laughs, though it sounded really similar to a sob, "...She died in my arms."

His chest heaves up and down as he sobs quietly. "I'm so sorry."

Matthew calms himself slowly, "It was a long time ago."