pistanthrophobia / l.h - book I

25

25. jealous; inspired by
labrinth's song
i love you<3

luke
jealously..
such an ugly thing to hold in your heart..

for some reason, jealousy and i have never been strangers..

i always found myself getting jealous, and irritated over things that were out of my control completely.

but, i think that's what irritates me the most.
feeling like i'm not in control of anything.

not even myself..

i couldn't help but think about how jealous i'd become ever since vincent got with ileana.

don't get me wrong, i've always struggled with my jealousy but with ileana it's always different.

and it became this festering rage inside me, to see him have her, and hold her.

at first, it didn't change anything between us, she was my same ileana.

but with time, something in her completely changed and i couldn't put my finger on what it was.

she just kinda became so cold towards me.

she started to cling more to the boys, which i don't mind, we're all best friends but something about this felt differently.

it always felt like i was out of the loop, that everyone knew about something that i didn't know about.

what are they hiding from me?

spending time away from everyone and everything really helped me out though.

it helped me to see things a little bit more clearly rather than trying to constantly figure our what's going on 24/7.

but i couldn't deny it, i missed ileana..
no matter what it was i did,
i couldn't get her out of my head.

the more time away we spend, the more everything that's happened within this year has been replaying nonstop over and over again in my head..

i knew i had to respect ileana's wishes and leave her alone the way she was asking me so frequently to do.

i noticed that whenever she pushes me away, my temper is at it's worst.

anything can tick me off..

as i sit in my room, i can't help but think back to the day i got in that fight with vincent.

if it wasn't for being pulled off, i would've beat him to a pulp.

he deserves its for fucking with my ileana..

how could anyone treat her so cruel?

ileana has the kindest soul ever, and i mean ever.
she's completely and utterly selfless to everyone around her..

she's so fragile, yet so strong.
she's tough, but she's also soft.
she's independent but not to the point where she doesn't like to be taken care of..

she does, but she's hiding something..
she has to be, there's something she isn't telling me.

i was always the person she would run to..

ALWAYS.

and now everything is completely different and i can't help but think it's because of that sick fuck vincent.

what could have possibly changed within the last couple months that could make ileana act so closed off towards me..

think hemmings.

i let out a sigh of frustration because i can't think of what it is.

what did i do?

that's it

i think to myself.

i need answers

but.. the only way to get them is to go back to the very place i've been trying so hard to avoid, with the very people i've been trying to escape..

~~~~~
hello there lovelies,hope this chapter wasn't too boring! the next chapter will be more eventful— heads up, there will be a trigger warning so brace ya selves!
buttt it would mean a lot if you're enjoying this book that you vote ( press the lil star ) / comment ya thoughts & any feedback / add my story to your library that way you're notified every time i update! i greatly appreciate anyone who takes the time to read this<3

stay safe, stay clean, love you!
nyla<333