pistanthrophobia / l.h - book I

23

23.little do you know;
inspired by the song by alex & sierra
i love you<3

ileana
time felt like something unexplainable.

time was clearly passing, yet everyone and everything remained unchanged.

the void and hole in my heart never faded, for mine and luke's friendship never regained conscious and found it's way back to the surface.

instead it stayed under the water.

6 feet under; out of reach.

i realized that i haven't been able to make any music or write poetry or any form of writing for that matter, ever since things started to go downhill with luke.

i get up off of my bed and i go to my dresser where i keep most of my personal belongings hidden.

i take out the pink journal and flip to a blank page.

i write the date and i title the page.

little do you know

at first, i just absentmindedly stare at the lined paper, the words are there but for some reason they can't make their way out of my pen and on to the paper.

just let go ileana.. let it out.

my hands shake but i write anyways.

little do you know,
how i'm breaking while you fall asleep.

little do you know,
i'm still haunted by the memories..

i don't think luke realized how damaging it was for me to trust him so deeply with my heart, to bare my soul to him and to fall asleep next to him almost every night yet have to watch him and odessa have what was supposed to be ours.

little do you know
i'm trying to pick myself up piece by piece

little do you know
i need a little more time..

as i write those lines, i feel the tears rolling out of my eyes and passed my cheek.

due to how much i'm crying, my tear drops are heavy but fall fast.

as i cry harder at the thought of luke and where he could possibly be, my tears make their way onto the paper and i allow my pain to do the same.

underneath it all,
i'm held captive by the hole inside
i've been holding back
for the fear that you might change your mind

i was always so scared to tell luke how i truly felt.
people say something one day, and don't mean it the next.

and although i trusted luke with everything, there was no guarantee that he wouldn't just up and leave.
or just wake up one day and change his mind.

that always held me back from being completely up front with how deeply the summer incident hurt me..

the tears feel hot against my cheek and my hand starts to feel numb but i keep writing.

i'm ready to forgive you,
but forgetting is a harder fight
little do you know
i need a little more time

i want to forgive luke so badly.
i don't believe he did it on purpose.
it's just taking longer than i expected..

i need more time.

as i write the next lines, i think about what luke would say if he were here with me right now.

as i write, i hear the words luke would tell me whenever i had an anxiety attack or a nightmare and suddenly the words come out faster than i can think.

i'll wait, i'll wait
i love you like you've never felt the pain, i'll wait
i promise, you don't have to be afraid, i'll wait

love is here, and here to stay
So lay your head on me

little do you know
i know you're hurt while i'm sound asleep

little do you know
all my mistakes are slowly drowning me

little do you know
i'm trying to make it better piece by piece

little do you know
i, i love you 'til the sun dies..

luke always waited for me.. with everything.
he never forced or pressured me into anything i didn't want. and if i did want it, he made sure that i was sure..

the tears are uncontrollable at this point.
but, i don't fight them..

i miss my luke.. but, he's not here right now..
so, i keep going.

i'll wait, just wait
i love you like i've never felt the pain, just wait

i love you like i've never been afraid, just wait
our love is here, and here to stay

so lay your head on me

i was always able to love luke without holding back the love i'm so capable of giving.

and even though it scared me, to the core, accepting his love felt like a breath of fresh air.

i keep on writing.

i'll wait (i'll wait),
i'll wait (i'll wait)
i love you like you've never felt the pain,
i'll wait (i'll wait)

he always waited for me to be ready

i promise you don't have to be afraid,
i'll wait, love is here,and here to stay

he would whisper that to me when i would wake up crying from who knows what.

and i oddly enough would believe every word.

so lay your head on me
lay your head on me
so lay your head on me
cause little do you know
i love you 'til the sun dies

there's nothing i want more than to rest my head on luke, to feel him.

i miss you..

little do you know..

~~~~~

hi guys! i hope you enjoyed this chapter.
if you did, can you vote/comment/add this story to your library that way you get a notification when i update!!

i really love that song and felt like it compliments the thought luke was having.

i'm not too mad at how these chapters are coming out butttt will y'all give me some feedback? i just wanna hear from people reading. it would be greatly appreciated !

anywho, i love you all, thank you for reading<3