pistanthrophobia / l.h - book I

08

8. skinny love

*trigger warning; self harm will be a part of this chapter,read at your own risk,be safe,stay clean;i love you<3
also this chapter was inspired by the song
skinny love and i highly recommend it! enjoy!

ileana
i ran home as fast as i could..
did luke seriously just say that?

suddenly,all the shit from today just flashed back to me..

my boyfriend putting his hands on me,my aunt saying i deserved it.. i don't understand..

and last but not least.. luke..

"if you're actually thinking about taking that fucker back then maybe your aunt is right. if you're stupid enough to take him back after he put his hands on you once,then you're just begging for it to happen again. you fucking deserve it."

he said with an anger i've never seen in him before. like a whole new person was standing there in his place.. not my luke..

his words replay over and over again in my head,torturing me every time..

the tears are streaming down my face relentlessly and my chest hurts so bad that i have to stop halfway home in mid-run.

i can't tell if my chest hurts from the running or the pain from today's horrible events.

probably both

i find a place to sit on the curb and try let the tears that are running down my cheeks so freely finish but they never do. the sobs become deeper,and i can't breathe. i hold my lower stomach with both of my arms wrapped around myself in hopes of lessening my pain but also the noise.

after minutes of sitting in that position i check my phone to see a whole bunch of texts from luke who is apologizing non-stop.

i check the time to see it's now 12:50am,shit.

i muster up the strength to stand myself back up and walk home.

as i'm walking i notice im in a familiar part of the neighborhood,the side where michael and calum live on..

i wish i could tell them everything that happened today.. they're probably up right now too..

i contemplate going to calum's house when the voice in my head (better known as my ego )
that ruins everything good in life by filling my head with with what it does best.

doubts and anxiety.

you can't go to calum's he doesn't want you there.
you would just be bothering him.

nobody wants you around remember?

go home and be alone,you're better off that way.

and like always,i listen..

i continue my way back home,passing both calum and michael's house.

i finally get home and i open the door,to my surprise my aunt's asleep on the couch.

the tv still on and running like always..