Purple Violet Flowers: Book Two

Chapter 25

She'd let out a few small gasps as the sensation was highly pleasurable, Ray stroked her long slender fingers in and out, "mmh..." she'd let out low, quiet moans, Ray took this as an invitation to push her fingers in deeper, she'd curl them inside, stimulating a moan from the girl underneath her, "Ah~.."
She'd wrap her arms around the taller girl tightly, "Jesse.." she'd murmur quietly.
"What?" Ray pulled backwards, looking down at the shorter girl beneath her, only to feel an ignited shock and a spark of grogginess as she looked into her yellow, murky watery eyes.
"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..."

.

Sunflower looked down at her breakfast plate, she had a blanket wrapped over her and a glass of water beside her. She was also sitting in the dining room with the others.
It was a lovely morning.
My thighs are sore, but it's not because I hurt myself.
"Do they still hurt?" Dia pestered Sunflower over and over, quite worried, "I told you several times. They're sore, but not to the point where I need help."
"Did you sleep wrong?" Belle asked her from across the table, the diligent woman still looked gorgeous in the morning, she was holding a glass of orange juice in her hand.
"well, I'm guessing it's something like that."
Rory just simply stared at her directly in the eyes, she had a face that said 'I know why they are sore.'
"Don't be stupid next time and sleep right!" Reika's abrupt squabble was heard from across the table, the girl was sitting in between Rory and Belle.
"Well, I'll try not to be stupid next time."
Belle curiously glanced over to Sunflower, the demure girl was brightly drinking her cup of water, she didn't mean to, but as she was glancing over she noticed some 'love marks' on her neck.
Belle immediately felt awkward and slightly turned her head to the oddly quiet Ray.
So that's why I thought I heard some things last night.
Belle cleared her throat and sat up from her chair to make her way to Sunflower, when she did reach her, the demure girl looked at Belle with a, "hm?" Belle carefully lifted up her shirt to hide the hickeys on her neck.
"Please be careful next time."
"Of course, but for what?"
At this point, Ray glanced on over to the two demure girls whispering to each other. She felt this sudden emptiness arise in the center of her stomach, it wasn't a twinge of jealousy, but rather a feeling that implied she was left out.
That's right.
She loved someone else before me.
She probably still thinks of that person more than she thinks of me.
I remember... some things she told me that one night we got engaged, but I can't remember because I got wasted.
She was sad, and I really wanted to help her, but the name 'jesse' stood out more to me than what she was actually saying, and nowadays it just confuses me.
Who is Jesse?
Will it hurt if I ask her about it?
There's still so much I don't know.
I just wish she'll tell me more about those 'things'.
I want to help her.
A sudden abruptness of realization washed over her as she thought about it more- it made her feel hopeless, a worthless feeling of doubt.
Does... she still love Jesse?

.

"You want to know more about me?" Sunflower slightly turned her head to the side, Ray stared at her with eyes of desperation as the taller girl looked up at her, "why so sudden?"
"I just had this urge y'know," Ray mumbled slouched forward. The two girls were done finishing up with breakfast and headed towards their room where they had the polite privacy they both wanted.
They both did their own thing for a few hours, but handling all that quietness wasn't enough to put a silence to the lingering thoughts in their heads.
Ray was leaning against the spine of the bed on the ground, while Sunflower sat on the bed with a book in her hand, she opened her mouth to speak, "well, I could tell you some things if you really want to know."
Ray's gaze brightened; the taller girl let a smile escape her lips, "was there any past friends you had before you met all of us?" she'd ask pleasingly.
"Well... In Pigeon Ocean I had... quite a few of them." the shorter girl spoke lowly, her voice was mildly cold, but not to the point where it was alarming.
"Oh- I see. What were their names?"
"Remembering that part makes me feel guilty, is there any other questions you have?" Sunflower averted her gaze away and closed her book, entirely avoiding the question.
"W-Well... is there anything you'd like to tell me...?"
The shorter girl got on her knees and moved towards the corner of the bed, to where patted on the bed with her hand; motioning Ray to sit beside her.
The taller girl made her way towards her and sat beside her- not too close, but rather a small distance. Sunflower grabbed a pillow and began to hug it, "sometimes i don't really find myself interesting because of how I lived my life. I hardly got to live one, I spent seventeen years stuck in a place that I couldn't call home."
"O-Oh."
"The people around me were my freedom, and I took it for granted each time I met someone new. I was just too happy with the life I was living then that I didn't actually feel like I was going to leave. I wanted to stay, but being in a family like this prevents things like that to happen. There's miracles, but most are unattainable."
"Is there anything you can call home or freedom?"
"Well, I have you now, and you're the home I need." Sunflower brought her legs closer to her chest, resting her head on her knees; she glanced at Ray with a smile, "I've had a few homes in the past, but now I really want to stay."
"R-Really?" Ray stuttered with her words, "mhm."
There was a quiet moment of silence; the sunset's remaining rays of sunshine shafted along the walls, casting shadows of darkness to build up inside of the room.
The ambience was peaceful and quiet, with no urgency to speak whatsoever.
"I... really want to stay with you too." Ray spoke lowly, grasping the pillow tightly, "I really do... up until I met you I was always alone, the only friends I had were Belle and them, but I never really got to see them. I was always thought I was destined to be alone, each and every night I stared up at the ceiling and wondered if something would ever happen for things to change. I doubted myself during those days, I told myself i'd be 'okay' but it never really made me feel like I was worth something," her voice was partly muffled from the pillow she was holding, "but, when I met you it was like everything around me started to change, and I finally felt happy with myself because you were there to make me feel that way. I wasn't alone because you... you're here. And for that, I want to stay with you... I never was, and I still ain't familiar with love. I ran away from all those attempts, but looking at you made me... want to stay," Ray's emerald green eyes fluttered open, she looked at Sunflower in the eyes, the shorter girl had a complication with her facial expression, her hands were clenched and she looked overall... frightened, "I-I'm sorry for blabbering on- I just, I just- I wanted you to know how I felt- how I still feel. B-Because... I don't want-," she ruffled up her own hair and breathed shakily, averting her own gaze away, "I don't..- want you to leave me-...." her eyes watered.
Ray quickly wiped the tears away from her eyes, "I'm sorry if this is sudden- I just, I keep thinking about something- someone. I'm scared that you'll leave me because of that... you loved them first, and they were with you first-."
"Are you talking about Jesse?"
Ray flung her head up and stared at her directly in the eyes; Sunflower's eyes were water, sweltering with remnants of pain, "I'm sorry about last night- I really, really didn't... I wasn't thinking right," Sunflower's voice was shaking hoarsely, "I was caught up in the moment and... I didn't mean it. Jesse surely was someone I loved, and maybe... I do still love her, but she ain't here anymore.."
"I-I have you now... and you really are the only thing I need right now."
"I'm so- so... tired..." tears trailed down her cheeks, her voice was muffled as she pushed her face into the pillow, "I just want this feeling-... I want it to go away." Sunflower clenched the sheets with her hands.
Ray's heart was dumbfounded, she tried to reach towards the girl, but with every single stretch she felt like what she was reaching for wasn't there in place for her.
She couldn't reach her in that very moment, but what she did was not effortless, and managed to put her hand on her shoulder; she couldn't bare to see her sobbing- although, she didn't know how to make her feel better.
I guess not everything you feel for me will be the same as what you felt for her.
I'll still be... second choice.
And I always will be.
.
This night was a point to remember.
Ray and Sunflower slept on opposite sides, facing the other way. They had a minor distance away from each other.
No cuddling, no hugging, no nothing.
Sunflower opened her eyes, looking into the darkness of the room.
She felt like this distance was going to remain longer than she'd expect, but it was her own fault.
If she didn't mess things up none of this could've happened, but she knew it was supposed to happen sooner or later
I can't keep hiding myself.
If this goes on there will be nothing to recognize, but my own burden of lies.
I wish things were more simple.
She slightly moved her legs to get in a more comfortable position only to feel the tip of someone else's foot against hers.
Warm.
And soft.
"You're still awake?" a low voice spoke from beside her, Sunflower was silent for a few seconds, but let out a "mhm."
Sunflower silently squirmed around in the blanket before twisting her hand slightly to reach towards Ray behind her, she reached a bit further and felt the fingers of Ray.
She felt the girl pull away and felt this deepened emptiness in her heart.
She wanted to hug her, but she knew it wasn't the right thing to do at the moment.
She needs space.
Sunflower's eyes opened in surprise once she felt fingers touch the palm of her hand; she reached further backwards and slowly intertwined her fingers with Ray's.
A small spark of happiness washed over her mind, with the touch of her hand, she felt content.
"Sunflower."
"Hm?"
"I love you."
Sunflower smiled warmly and closed her eyes, "I love you too."