Behind the scenes

Chapter 6

If you get triggered about things to do with weight and eating, I strongly advise you to rethink your choices in reading this chapter as it is talked about quite a great deal throughout.

Do not read if these things upset you. If any of you are having trouble with these things then you can always talk to me.

I'm always available to talk too and will always try my best to reply within 12 hours

"Changkyun," Hyungwon called as he wondered over to my seat, shoving his hands in his navy blue trouser pockets. "You and me are next. The others are packing up to go home and they're getting dinner on the way. We'll do the same when we head back, I know a good chicken place."

"Ah...it's OK, I can just have the left overs from last night," I tried, glancing up from my phone. Hyungwon shook his head.

"No. You're getting food with me. We need to have a chat anyway," He grimaced, glancing at my chest. Panic began to bubble away as I tried to think of a reasonable excuse to get out of eating, easily getting distracted as I glanced at his legs, noticing how skinny they were. He effortlessly seemed to stay in perfect shape even with his monstrous meal sizes and lack of exercising. His metabolism was faster than mine by a long shot. "Anyway, come on. The photographers are ready for us and you know what they're like when we keep them waiting."

"OK hyung," I responded, standing up from the chair with wobbly legs. Even though I'd had breakfast, albeit a small one, I was still severely lacking proper nutrition. Now I thought about it, it was really cold. Shivering slightly, I followed him through the doorway and into the set where the photos were being taken.

"Finally, get into positions we don't have all night," the photographer scolded, widely motioning with his hands as we both jogged forwards and stood in the middle of the set. Already, I became slightly out of breath as I pulled my jacked closer around my small frame to shield off the cold. A woman moved forwards, positioning us so that we were back to back and staring at the camera before folding my arms so that they were over my chest. Hyungwon took a few deep breaths, his breathing moving me slightly as I kept a serious face. There were a few clicks before the photographer sighed and shook his head. He lent over to the woman and whispered into her ear, just loud enough for me to hear. "Make Changkyun look less chubby, he's taking up too much frame compared to Hyungwon."

I was chubby. I took up too much room. I wasn't like Hyungwon. I wasn't skinny. A lump rose in my throat as I blinked a few times. Why couldn't I be skinny like the others?

The woman quickly came over and turned me more onto my side, flattening down the jacket slightly.

Click. Click, click, click.

"Changkyun, move one leg in front of the other. In fact, move your left leg so it's bent slightly," the photographer ordered. I did as told, moving my leg out and bending it slightly. "A bit more, your legs look too big so just a bit more." I tried not to let it show but I was obviously hurt by that comment. Moving my leg even further, I glanced over at the photographer who sighed and shook his head in annoyance. He clicked his tongue, placing a hand under his chin and thinking for a few seconds before motioning over to me. "In fact just face the front and lean against Hyungwon slightly. Hyungwon you look straight ahead and Changkyun you look straight at the camera...unfold your arms...fold them again. You need to loose some weight Changkyun, it's ruining the photo shoot."

Hyungwon tensed up next to me. I nodded obediently and apologised, glancing down at the way my feet were positioned and grimacing at my fat thighs. Nausea washed through me, my heart skipping a few beats. I really was fat, others could see it too.