Behind the scenes

Chapter 15

TW

There is extensive talking about self harm, suicide, eating disorders (bulimia, orthorexia and anorexia) and depression. If you struggle with these then please think carefully before proceeding. This whole chapter is revolving around mental health so if you are triggered easily it is best to just skip.

I'm always available to talk too and I will always, always respond within 12 hours or less.

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I did not expect to wake up in a hospital bed.

I didn't even need to open my eyes to know I was in a hospital. The suffocating smell of antibacterial wipes and plastic, the beeping noises and eerie quietness. It's not like I was in pain either. In fact, all I could feel was a single hand entwined with mine as I lay still on the bed, eyes still closed as I came around. Desperately, I tried to cast my mind back but nothing came to mind. I had no clue why I was here. Lightly, I squeezed the hand before slowly opening my eyes.

"Kyunnie?"

"What am I doing in a hospital bed?" I asked, glancing around the small room and noticing the other members where there as well. "Did I pass out again?"

"No, you got beaten up in an alleyway last night," Kihyun said, leaning forwards in his chair. Getting beaten up would explain the slight ache that began to envelope all of my body. Kihyun's expression turned deathly serious as he frowned, clasping his hands together and staring at me with concern clearly evident in his deep, oak brown eyes. "But that's not what matters right now. The doctors noticed some things about you when they were treating you. They're gonna come in and talk to you about it when you're fully awake."

"Some things..." I trailed off, immediately knowing what Kihyun was referring to. There was no doubt the doctors picked up on my weight and cuts. But what if Jooheon and Hyungwon had said something too. What if they were all going to look at me differently now. I didn't know whether to be pissed off that they'd found out about my disgusting secrets, elated that I could possibly get real help for my problems or terrified that they'd judge me for self destructive ways. It seemed the last one as tears sprang to my eyes, blurring my vision as Jooheon scooted his chair closer to the bed and kept my hand in his. "I-I can ex-explain-"

"You don't need to," Wonho interjected, immediately getting up from his chair and practically leaping to my side. "You have your reasons. It's OK if you don't want to share straight from the get go."

"Yeah, our top priority right now is helping you through whatever you're going through," Minhyuk added, nodding his head slightly. His usually joyous, dark brown eyes practically swimming in guilt as he wrapped his arms around himself. 

"Ah, I see our patient is awake." The door to the room abruptly opened, revealing a tall doctor with kind eyes, soft features and friendly smile. He held a clipboard in one hand, a pen in the other and a stethoscope that swayed limply around his neck as he walked to position himself at the foot of the bed. I didn't know if I should smile or not, but I still bowed my head slightly in a greeting. Everything and everyone went silent as he lifted his clipboard up and scribbled across it with a pen. "How are you feeling. Rate your current pain on a scale from one to ten, one being nothing and ten being excruciatingly agonizingly painful."

"Uh...maybe a two?" I guessed, not really feeling too bad apart from a dull ache at the top of my neck.

"Yes, that will be the painkillers working," he muttered, jotting a few things down on his paper. "Now, I'm sure you are aware that you were jumped last night in an alley. Thankfully your injuries weren't too severe and you've escaped with a moderate concussion, a few bruised ribs and general bruising along your abdomen and chest. You also have a few nail marks on your neck that should disappear into nothing over the coming days. However, that is not all we have to talk about. Now, would you prefer to do this in front of your band members or privately?"