Keys of Life

Chapter Two: Faye (I know. Again)

   The graveyard wasn't far away. My parents had done their best to forget about their son, making a new life for themselves which had no place for mystery or Jason. They couldn't keep reminders of the truth from creeping ever closer, though, stubbornly refusing to be packed away into the closet. Two hours away, and a tombstone still bore the name Jason John Higgins, no matter how many times they wished on a dandelion that they only had one daughter.

   I glanced up as a bus pulled into the stop. The grey clouds parted for a moment, letting a small burst of fading sunshine escape from their misty claws. Smiling to the driver, I took my ticket and made my way towards the middle. Busses were exactly like school, for me. The front held old grannies making their strength clearly known with a well-timed glare, and stressed mothers shushing and cajoling their little monsters into behaving properly. The threats and bribes often left their exhausted faces looking like they were going to throw a tantrum, just to shock their children into submission.

  The middle was largely full of busy office-workers, glancing at their watches with a scowl and tutting under their breath at the audacity of the traffic jam they were so clearly stuck in. With their sharply ironed suits and obnoxious manner, they seemed like they would be more at home in a courtroom than in the nightmare of public transport.

   The back was haunted by teenagers, perpetually and horrifically. The roars of raucous laughter by orange tans attached to bodies contrasted with the silent intimidation of glaringly white faces and black painted eyes left no room for mercenaries in the war of the teens. I couldn't decide which of the three possible seating arrangements was the most terrifying, although I could guess that Zimmer frames packed a punch.

   The bus jolted its way throughout the countryside, picking up miserable looking people along the way. The setting sun continued to explode from behind the clouds, dazzling my eyes for a split second before disappearing again behind the expanse of dull cloth termed as sky. The rhythmic lull pulled me into memories I didn't want to surface, never wanted to relive. Whispers in the hall, my mother's face creased with concern and worry, a laugh full of ice and sorrow. A sheet falling gently over a body, slipping out of my grasp. They flashed, more and more quickly, leaving me gasping for breath and tears pooling in my eyes.

   "Cemetery Road!" The shout released me from my mind's prison, leaving me with nervous glances and concerned strangers. Couldn't someone come up with a slightly more imaginative name? I stumbled my way out of my seat, barely aware of the direction my feet were leading me, just glad I could escape. Mumbling my thanks, I breathed in the cool air, grateful for the damp smell of rain and earth.

   The walk up the narrow laneway was painful. The last time I'd been there was the day of the funeral, when all I could think about was the mystery I hadn't yet solved, the need for closure that had never come. What was the point in playing a detective if you didn't want to know? Where was the use in trying to find out the truth if it was more hurtful than a lie? I had no doubt that there was a path I could've taken, dragging myself along shouting and screaming. Too many secrets hid under the bed to stop them all from unravelling. If I went looking for a missing sock, I could be eaten by the monster. I wasn't prepared to have my life turned upside down, when the old one had been torn away from me like a piece of sodden paper.

   The gravestones lumbered into view, ogres to my slight body. I paced the plots were the dead were grieving, wishing for the life they once knew, surrounded by warm earth and darkness. The one I had sought the most and at the same time hoped not to see appeared before me, as if conjured up by the power of my thoughts. I sat at the foot of the headstone, tracing the words carved so neatly and craftily with the lightest touch of my fingertips, until they had no meaning or sense, just curves and shapes, and rounded edges. I chatted to him, like we never had during his life, the tears slowly trickling down my face as I described the work I'd done, my new teachers, every trivial thing I could think of that had nothing to do with Jason's secrets. The skeletons he had trapped in the closet that had gone up in smoke like the house he had lived in, the half forgotten fragments of memories buried just below the surface of my conscience that had been bothering me for a year were the subject of our one-sided conversation, even as I talked about cookery.

   I finally managed to stop the streams of words coming from my tongue and my eyes, the sparkling tracks in the last glimmers of light the only evidence of my pain. "Why?" I whispered to the emerald drops of dew in the grass. "What did you do? Why did you have to die?"

***

   Saturday winked into existence as I turned the keys gently in the lock, treading softly on the creaking boards in the hall. I breathed a sigh of relief as I relaxed into the uninterrupted quiet. The stairs groaned gently under my weight, the sigh of contentment at finally having someone to welcome. I hurried to my room, changed and brushed my teeth, anxious to be able to snuggle under the duvet and wrap myself in a cocoon of warmth.

   Despite my eagerness, sleep didn't come readily, taunting me with a drowsiness I couldn't satisfy. Rooted in my head were the questions I had banished from my mind, prickling me every time I was on the edge bordering unconsciousness. Everything I didn't want to think about rushed into my mind, tormenting me with possibilities. What had my brother done to make my parents so anxious? Did I want to know? My watch beeped three o'clock in the morning as I drifted into a dream world. My parents still weren't home.