"This is so fucking cliché, dude."
The one plus side to being used as a human chess piece in Hawkmoth's game was the fact that Nathanael now knew Nino better than he ever had before. Volpina's boyfriend sighed through his nose, head resting against the conjured railroad track as the phantom steam engine rocketed closer and closer to the two figures bound back to back.
"I mean this is some genuine Snidely Whiplash bullshit," Nino grumbled, trying to wriggle free of the thick, coiled rope that bound him and Nathanael to the track. "Like, I don't know if we need to call Ladybug or the fucking Dover Boys at this point, you know?"
"I know," Nathanael said, watching the opera cloaked akuma cackle and rub his hands together a few yards away. "No one has an appreciation for the classics more than me, but that doesn't mean you have to rip them off."
"I...I beg your pardon?!" Vaudevillain screeched, pulling a nearby level and grinding the train to a screeching halt. Dust shook down from the tunnel roof as the akuma rolled the boys off the track, planting a boot on Nino's chest. "There is nothing cliché about my performance villainy! If anything, I'm subverting the traditional damsel-in-distress narrative by pursuing Volpina and Queen Bee's boy toys."
"I'm not her boy-toy," Nathanael mumbled into the dirt floor.
"Wow, you're such a progressive murderer," Nino snorted, rolling his eyes as the boys were rolled back onto the railroad track. "You want a fucking BAFTA for this?"
"Ideally, yes," Vaudevillain sighed, rolling the train back on its tracks. "Sadly, performance crime is tragically underappreciated in this city."
"Maybe the next boys you murder will net you a seat at Cannes," Nathanael snorted, leaning his head back to talk to Nino. "Hey, did you finish the science homework?"
"Just got to do the lab writeup," Nino shrugged. "Why, you want to look at it?"
"Just to double check," Nathanael said, kicking his feet back and forth. "Gotta bring my science grade up or my dad is gonna disinherit me."
"Dude, don't you have a B+?"
"Might as well be an F according to Dr. Kuntzberg."
"Rough, man," Nino clucked. "Yeah, I'll email you the report when we get-"
"AHEM," Vaudevillain cleared his throat, tapping his bootheel against the rail. "I'm sorry, aren't you two supposed to be pleading for your lives or something?!"
"Is that what you want?" Nino asked.
"I would appreciate a little begging, yes."
"Or what?" Nathanael snorted. "You'll kill us?"
"Well...well, obviously I'm going to kill you anyway," Vaudevillain said, taking his top hat off and running a hand through his greasy black hair. "But this is sort of my first big performance villainy piece and I was expecting more...pleading? I mean-"
The akuma gestured to the menacing freight engine puffing steam and waiting on his command to crush the boys tied to the track.
"Shouldn't you be terrified or something?!" Vaudevillain spluttered.
Nino and Nathanael glanced at the demonic looking train with a small shrug and a half-hearted "eh."
"This isn't our first hostage situation," Nino said.
"And as thematic as this whole "silent movie star" gimmick is, you're not exactly the most terrifying akuma to hold us captive," Nathanael sniffed, rubbing his back up and down on the railing to scratch an itch.
