A story of an eighteen-year-old girl who had a huge crush on her college senior.
Naiza Rehman is a typical 18-year-old girl who loves to talk and interact with people. She is a very friendly person and talks to almost everyone in her college apart f...
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It has been more than two weeks that incident happened, seeing the boy. But, I didn't see him again from college or I didn't bother sharing about this thing to my friends. But, something in me was making me a disturbing feel.
I was getting restless! I don't even know why the Jahannam (hell) I was feeling this way and was not able to sleep. The reason why I didn't tell this to my friends about seeing that boy from college was that I know it's wrong. It was haram! Astaghfirullah, why did I even stare like that to a non-mahram person? It was so unlike me. Subsequently, I gave up attempting to sleep, promptly woke up from the bed and took out my diary. My best friend since 7th grade. All my tremors like happiness, sorrow, loneliness, anxiety are shared in my diary, basically everything. Surely who wouldn't be better than a diary at 2 am?
Dear Diary,
2:00 am
I feel so different. This feeling is so new to me, and I should not be feeling like this. This is so wrong. What happened to me? I was not like this. I know very well, what is halal and haram, and this feeling is so haram Astaghfirullah.
I saw a pretty charming and handsome boy who was cute, had a perfect smile with a beard on his small face. He has had the best smile plastered on his face, which indicated that he was happy and enjoying the day. I did not tell my friends about him. Will they tease me? Should I talk about my little, different feeling or I don't know what it is, towards the boy whose name I don't even know? I probably won't be seeing him again. I should shut these feelings now and probably go to sleep. Okay, my diary, that's it.
Goodnight
Shutting my diary gently and keeping it back to my wardrobe, I decided to sleep. To my surprise, I tended to my dreamland as soon as I slumbered.
I abruptly woke up after having a very dreadful dream, immediately glanced at the clock, and it was 4:30 am. I got up and went to the washroom, took my ablution, and brought out my prayer mat and prayed 2 rakah thahjud prayer(the prayer which is prayed in between one-third of the night). I raised my hands to Allah SWT and asked for forgiveness for all the bad things I have done intentionally and unintentionally. I kept thinking about that stranger, and pordered maybe that was the reason why I had a bad dream. My Allah was showing me that this was all wrong and that I should not fall into shaitan's trap.
Soon the Fajr azan(call for prayer) was called and, after praying, I thought of reading Surah Yaseen, as this surah is the Heart of the Quran. After reading the Quran and dhikr, I eventually felt some peace.
"Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do heart find peace" [13:28]
At least today, I have to reach college early. There are two more hours for me to get ready for college. So, instead of sleeping, which is what I always do, I thought of taking a shower to freshen up from my morning drowsiness and study my notes as exams were nearing.
