flatline [m.s]

lxxxiv.

"oh, i was at the scene," cristina explains at the exact same time lia says, "she was at the scene."

"he's got a tear on the right ventricle," lia informs him. "and there could be torrential bleeding once we get in, so i just, uh, just wanted a little backup, just a little extra backup."

"she's not sure if i can handle it," cristina adds.

"i'm ready. i'm in. i'll go- i'll go scrub," jackson nods, leaving to scrub in.

"alright," lia nods. "let's get this boy on bypass."

■ ■ ■

"dr. webber, you have a g.s.w to the chest?" richard asks, entering lia's o.r, when he notices cristina assisting. "dr. yang."

"dr. yang was on the scene," lia explains. "she performed an emergency thoracotomy in the field."

"you alright, dr. yang?" richard ensures.

"yes, sir," cristina nods. "i'm staying, if that's okay."

"uh, dr. yang, can you tell me what your patient was wearing or where his clothes are?" richard asks.

"uh, they were cut off at the scene," cristina informs him. "it was, um, a green hoodie, jeans."

"is he a redhead, about twenty?" richard raises his brow, as lia and jackson crane their necks to look at the patient's face.

"yes," cristina confirms.

"uh, why, sir?" jackson turns to richard.

"send me down any bullet fragments you pull out of his body," richard orders, and lia looks up at her father from across the o.r table.

"dad, what's going on?" lia asks, keeping direct eye contact with her father, who remains silent for a few moments.

"your patient is the shooter," richard announces, and lia screws her eyes shut momentarily. "send down any bullets immediately. they're evidence."

richard then exits the o.r and the three surgeons remain frozen in shock.

"okay, um... okay?" lia clears her throat after a few minutes. "where were we?"

"you were about to reconstruct the ventricle," cristina reminds her.

"right. right. thank you. okay," lia nods, beginning to operate again. "hand me 3-0 ethibond, please."

"i'm sorry," the scrub nurse shakes her head, and lia looks up at her. "i'm sorry, but i can't dr. webber."

"you can't hand me the ethibond?" lia furrows her brow.

"i can't," the scrub nurse continues to shake her head.

"she can't save this guy... is what she's saying," jackson clarifies. he then begins to raise his voice slightly. "he just shot up dozens of people, and this surgery is gonna take all day."

"dr. avery," lia attempts to interject.

"that's taking three doctors and four nurses away from helping other people, people who didn't shoot up a campus full of innocent kids-" jackson continues.

"dr. avery," lia repeats with a firmer tone. this time cutting him off. "when dr. hunt was in the army he operated on iraqi soldiers who blew up dozens of his own men. i don't think he liked it, but he did it, because like us, he is a doctor, and he took an oath. you're not a jury or a judge. if there's a life to be saved, we save that life, regardless-"

"i'm not doing this. no," jackson shakes his head, cutting her off. he then removes his gloves and exits the o.r.

"anyone else?" lia offers.

"i'm sorry," the scrub nurse apologises before following jackson out, along with several other members of the surgical team.

"dr. yang..." lia trails off. "are you staying?"

"yes," cristina turns to look at lia after a slight pause.

"alright," lia nods, softly. "okay, great. uh, 3-0 ethibond, please."

■ ■ ■

"thank you for staying today cristina," lia looks up at the resident towards the end of their surgery. "i know it wasn't an easy decision to make."

"you know what, though?" cristina asks after a pause. "it was."

the two surgeons then continue working on the patient as the gallery begins to fill out with their friends and colleagues, starting with richard.

"thirty seven degrees," cristina announces, checking the monitor.

"should be any minute now," lia says.

when there is no response, she gently massages the heart with her finger, and the monitor begins beeping rhythmically again.

they both let out a sigh of relief, then look up to the gallery. lia nods to them, before looking back down to cristina.

- - -
there has to be a way to leave all my ghosts behind. it's a choice. it's a choice i'm making.
- - -

jackson is sat on his bed with his back to his bedroom door, meaning that lia can't see the tears in his eyes when she leans against the doorway.

"i'm sorry," lia says.

"whatever," jackson dismisses without moving, or turning to look at her.

lia then walks into his room and takes a seat beside him on the bed, but he still doesn't move.

"not whatever," lia shakes her head, looking at him. "i'm sorry... you were shot that day. i understand why you wouldn't want to operate on him. i shouldn't have tried to pressure you. i'm sorry."

he then turns so that he's looking at her, their faces inches apart. they continue to look at each other for a few moments when he leans in, bringing his hand up to cup her face as he begins to kiss her.

"jackson..." lia breathes, using one hand to cover the hand he's placed on her face, and the other to push him back slightly.

"please. just this once. just for this one night, please. please," jackson whispers, his voice breaking slightly as he leans towards her.

lia exhales deeply before leaning back in to kiss jackson again, bringing her hand up to the back of his neck to deepen their kiss.

- - -
to move forward. to move past this. i can do that. i can do that. all i have to do is begin.
- - -