breathe// 5SOS

66

"You still look pretty in them bub,"

"No,"

"Come on, you need to wear them,"

She groaned and pulled them out, putting them on and folding her arms.

"You can see better now, huh?"

"Yes,"

"Exactly,"

We watched the safety briefing, Ava zoning out and Lauren focusing intently.

Suddenly, the plane started to move, the pair gripping my hands. I turned to Lauren and pouted, watching as she took deep breaths.

"You're okay,"

"What if,"- "no what ifs. We are gonna have a great holiday,"

"Dad," Ava trembled, "I want to go home,"

I gently kissed her hand, the plane started to rumble as we headed down the run way. I let them both squeeze my hand as we lifted off the ground, Viola supportively holding my mum's hand too.

"My ears," Ava whimpered, yanking her hand away to hold her ears, "dad,"

"They have to adjust to how high we are poppet, it is normal. Listen to some music,"

"Ash, how long is this flight?"

"A couple of hours, Lauren, you okay now?"

She nodded and let go of my hand, putting her own headphones in.

For a lot of the flight, I held hands with Ava and spoke quietly to her, managing to get a few smiles here and there. It was nice to spend time talking, where she didn't hide in her room or turn away.

I realised how little I actually knew.

She spoke about Julie, and we had a mature conversation about what she was ready for. I explained to her how Julie might see things differently, and stress about not saying the right thing. It was important to me that she saw other people's views because I didn't want her or the other person to get upset.

We spoke about fostering Marcus, and how my attention perhaps wouldn't always be on her but that it didn't mean I would care. At first, it was a little tricky for her to understand how Marcus might need help because she knew he hadn't been through what she had, but she easily got it when I explained it to her.

I was really proud of how accepting she was, and how easy it was becoming to understand why someone felt a certain way after being prompted.

"Dad, are we going down?"

"Slowly poppet, can we talk about any worries for school before the holiday, because I want this week to be a happy time for you,"

"I am worried about how I haven't seen Sapphire, and how much work I have to do,"

"I know it is sometimes hard, but you need to put your head down an focus on the work okay? I know you work so hard already, so carry on,"

"Starting art and starting history after not doing anything is totally different,"

"I think this school year is when they get you learning new things and structures anyway. A lot of it will be new for everyone love,"

"Yeah," Lauren assured, taking my hand again, "I promise that once you get in the swing of things, the world load is nothing,"

"And you always have Mr Carter to talk to if it gets too much at school,"

"Yeah. I am not excited at all apart from seeing my friends,"