It Takes a Wolf

Chapter 42: Mourning the Lost with Sweet Surprises

The battle was won. With Morvain's death those who remained, quickly surrendered to the Inquisition for judgement. When they returned to Skyhold each high ranking official was executed while those just following orders were divided and sent to Orlais and Ferelden prisons for life sentences. However, even though the fight was over the loss that was suffered still weighed heavily on everyone's chests, especially Tomlens. Once everything was finalized after the battle Josephine prepared a candlelight service for all who were lost.

That evening the entire hold gathered in the garden, holding lit candles and torches to honor the memories of the fallen. The core members stood behind Ellen as she spoke words of comfort to those in attendance. "With every victory there is loss, a loss we don't think of until after the dust has settled and we're left with an emptiness those we lost had filled." Cullen glanced over to Tomlen as he looked to the ground, trying to hide his face as tears fell from the tip of his nose. He cleared his throat weakly of the lump that began to form from his own pain, but he had to remain strong, for him, for his men. He placed a firm hand on Tomlen's trembling shoulder, squeezing it lightly, trying to convey that he was not alone.

Ellen inhaled deeply, feeling her breath begin to stutter from the ache in her chest. "W-we must remember that even though they're gone, that they would want us to carry on as if they were still here. They would want us to keep their memory alive by making memories of our own and to continue their legacy." She gazed over the sea of torches and candlelight when she saw a figment of Sera, standing amongst the crowd, wearing her typical childlike grin. Her heart pulled in her chest as she stared into the face of what could only be her spirit, trying to comfort her. "We will never forget them or the light they brought to our lives."

Unable to hold his pain in any longer Tomlen rushed from the garden. Cullen called out to him, but he didn't hear him. He was so caught up in the hurt from the gigantic hole that now resided in his chest, he was becoming lost. With tear filled vision he ran through the throne room and down the steps, passing the courtyard. He didn't know where he was going, his body just led him to where it thought he needed to be. He crossed through a doorway when something got caught in his step, making him trip and fall to the floor.

With a sniffled breath he slowly picked himself off the floor when he looked down by his feet, seeing a blue cylinder pillow with gold brocade. He reached out and took it in his hands, studying its familiarity when his eyes began to look over the room. He pressed the back of his hand to his mouth when a choked sob forced its way from his lungs, seeing the familiar windows that stood floor to ceiling. His heart pulled painfully as he looked over the walls, lined with an unorganized mess of childish and vulgar drawings with arrows through them. He was in Sera's room. He clutched the pillow to his chest and sobbed uncontrollably, hoping that each tear he shed he would gain some kind of peace, but it didn't. The pain stayed planted in his chest, filling him with doubt that he will ever heal.

--*--

Once the service was over, everyone went their separate ways to mourn as they willed. Knowing Tomlen was suffering the most Ellen searched for him with Fenris's help. They went to Cullen's office, hoping to find him there, but instead they found something they didn't expect. As they walked into his office they found books and papers, littering the floor as Cullen rampaged around his desk, throwing empty bottles of wine to shatter against the wall. He grabbed the dagger from his boot and threw it into the dummy that occupied the far end of the room. He walked over to collect it when he burst into another fit of pique and began snapping the dummy into pieces.

Fenris walked up behind him warily, placing a hand on his shoulder. Cullen whipped around, raising his hand to strike when he froze. Fenris looked him in the eyes, knowing the pain that radiated from them. Cullen's brows furrowed as he closed his eyes, slowly dropping his hand to his side. "F-forgive me, I didn't hear you enter." He whispered, his voice shaking.