It Takes a Wolf

Chapter 31: Healing the Tortured

The wagon had come to a stop as they arrived back at Skyhold. Relief washed over Gallevorn as he saw them enter the gate and rushed to meet them. Fenris slid down carefully, keeping a tight hold around Ellen when Gallevorn approached them. He stood before Fenris when a panicked gasp escaped him, seeing the extent of their injuries. He looked from Fenris's vacant and swollen eyes to Ellen, her face bruised and covered in blood. His heart hung heavily in his chest as his eyes began to brim with tears. He pressed a closed fist to his mouth, trying to hold back the sobs that threatened to escape his lungs. Fenris kept his head down, his hair covering his eyes. The shame he bared weighed on him, forbidding him to meet Gallevorn's gaze. He slowly limped past Gallevorn with Ellen barely conscious in his arms when he paused, turning his head away from him. "Forgive me." He whispered as he continued toward the keep.

    The walk to the rotunda was torturous and agonizingly slow, each step causing excruciating pain for them both. When he finally reached the door he pushed it open with his leg, wincing through his teeth as it rattled his bones. He placed her down gently on to the chair by the dressing table before closing the door. Ellen was conscious, clutching to the cape wrapped around her shivering body. Fenris took off his tunic carefully as he watched her stand and turn to the dressing table, opening the top drawer. She rummaged through it slowly, pulling out one of his long sleeved tunics and trousers.

    She shrugged the cape to the floor and ripped the remaining shreds of clothing from her body before pulling on a pair of his trousers. When Fenris saw her body, beaten, bruised, covered in dried blood, it were as if another knife pierced through him. He so badly wanted to comfort her, but he was wary of her. He didn't want to get to close or cause her any more pain. She had been through a traumatizing experience, they both had, but hers could have been far worse. He hated himself for being so useless and weak, for taking so long to finally gain the strength to get free. Had Cullen and the others not come when they did, he would have had to watch that vile monster defile her in ways that made his skin crawl and his very soul shatter.

    He watched as she grabbed a towel, soaking it in the basin before carefully wiping the blood from her ribs. He walked up behind her wanting to speak, but didn't know what to say. How could he apologize for being so incompetent, when he didn't deserve her forgiveness? He reached his hand out hesitantly, he didn't want to touch her too intimately. Avoiding her skin, he gently took a thick lock of her hair between his fingers and pressed it to his lips. She flinched slightly, her eyes filled with terror from the sudden contact. He winced, looking away as the jolt sent a shock to the matching pain in their ribs. However, it wasn't just the pain that caused him to cringe, but the fact she recoiled at his touch. Something that had always come so easy, so innocent, something he had taken advantage of, was now something he couldn't do without traumatizing her further.

    He took a step back from her when she turned around, quickly grabbing his wrist. She peered at him, her eyes were full of guilt and sorrow. She pulled him to her, placing her ear to his chest while lightly wrapping her arms around his waist. He gently placed his arms down her back, resting his cheek on the top of her head. She breathed in deeply through her nose as her eyelids fluttered closed to the comforting sound of his heart beat. "I'm sorry, Emma lath." She whispered somberly.

    He knew she was referring to her flinching, but she had no reason to be, it was involuntary and completely understandable. "Quiet." He said, firmly pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "It is I who should be sorry, Fea'mir. It is I who should carry the burden of fault...not you." He sighed, trembling slightly. He wrapped his arms around her neck, pulling her firmly but gently against him, taking care not to cause her already aching body more pain. "I should have been stronger, mentally, emotionally...physically. I was not able to protect you, to keep you safe...I failed to keep my vows. I failed you...I am a worthless, worthless man...and for that I will never forgive myself...and neither should you."