It Takes a Wolf

Chapter 32: Letting Go

Ellen walked along the ramparts for some much needed air. The cool crisp wind whipped against her flushed cheeks as she gazed at the snow capped mountains. She pulled the fur cloak around her tightly as the freshly fallen snow crunched beneath her Dalish wrapped feet. A month had passed since Ellen and Fenris had returned safely to Skyhold from the atrocities they endured, but during that time things seemed to only have gotten worse. Cullen and Tomlen had tightened security to such an extent it caused strain on everyone. The guard shifts were doubled and at night even tripled. No one was allowed to enter or leave the premises without strict investigation and harsh questioning. Ellen thought it too much, but said nothing, she knew this was just as much for their peace of minds as it was for hers. 

    However, when Cullen attempted to assign her and Fenris a security detail to follow them around the hold she finally put her foot down. She thought it was unnecessary and a complete waste of manpower, but to her surprise Fenris actually agreed with Cullen, saying it was a good idea to have extra eyes to watch over her. She breathed in deeply, recalling the look on his face when he spoke. He wouldn't even look her in the eye. She knew he blamed himself for what happened, she could feel the guilt and shame he carried, sitting hard in her gut everyday since their return. She tried to speak with him about it, to try and get him to work through his pain, but he would cut her short and change the subject. She sensed him growing more distant with each attempt when she finally decided to let him be, praying he would come to her in time, but in that time, he was only getting worse.

    Every evening she went to bed alone, only to wake up to him asleep in the chair across the room, reeking of stale wine. When they went about their day he was no longer at her side, but watching her from a distance. It were as though he no longer trusted himself around her, to protect her. Whether or not that was what he felt all she knew was his absence left her empty. She tried so hard not to give into her sorrow, knowing he would feel it and cause him more pain, but ever so often it would seep through the cracks of her strong facade.

    When she would become overwhelmed with the tangle of emotions that rattled inside her she would train, sometimes for hours. When that didn't work she would escape to the barn alone to brush her mares fur, often burying her face into the steeds side to let out a muffled scream. A tear escaped, slipping down her cheek as her heart tightened in her chest. She didn't know how much longer she could take it. She squeezed her eyes shut, shaking her head to alleviate her thoughts when a scout approached her.

    "Inquisitor, this had just come for you." He said, handing her a letter.

    She thanked him, opening the letter as he took his leave. She felt her chest lighten slightly when she spotted the Seekers seal as she lifted it open. She took a deep breath, settling her nerves as her eyes glanced over the words of a dear friend.

Ellie,

I...I have heard from Josephine in regards to the atrocities yourself and Fenris had endured by the hand of a now, marked dead man. With a heavy heart I write this letter, trying to think of any possible words that I could say to give you and your husband even the slightest ounce of comfort. Unfortunately none come to mind, but this, I swear to you that I will make sure any Blood tail Marauders that I come in contact with throughout my travels will meet the cold steel of my blade. If you need anything from me, please do not hesitate to ask. I will try my hardest to return to you soon, till then know that I am here.

May the Maker keep you,

Cassandra

      Ellen folded the letter, her heart quivering in her chest. She missed Cassandra, as much as they disagreed on certain political means, Cassandra was a rock. She stood by Ellen through everything, big or small, right or wrong, she was always there, even when she needed a shoulder to cry on. With loneliness growing ever more present within her, tears began streaming down her cheeks.