A perfect life ? // jon and Daenerys

chapter 6

Daenerys's point of view:

The door to Rhaego's room was open when I came in front. I heard him sob before I saw him, his back to me curling up on his bed. This vision broke my heart, I had no intention of making my son unhappy. I began to understand that he was taking this whole story with Jon Snow very seriously. I lay down beside him on the bed and took him in my arms. He turned to me and snuggled his head against my chest while still sobbing.

"I'm sorry mom. It's me who made everithing to make Jon kiss you please do not blame him. "

I took his face in my hands for him to look at me.

"I'm not mad at Jon, we just pretended to argue." His eyes widened in surprise.
"What ?? So I didn't ruin everything ??"
His voice was filled with hope and my heart broke even more. There will never be anything between me and Jon and I knew now that it would break my son's heart.

"This morning Missendei told me that you asked her a weird question yesterday during your bath. That's how I understood you had done everything from the beginning so that Jon and I fell in love with each other. That's when I had the idea to simulate an argument with Jon so that you understand that we can't force two people to love each other. Love is complicated and no one chooses who will fall in love with whom. "

Rhaego lowered his head apologetically for his behavior. I kissed his forehead so that he knew I wasn't angry with him.

"Mom, do you like Jon Snow? "

He looked me in the eyes and I saw them shine. For a moment I wanted to answer yes then I pulled myself together remembering that it wasn't possible for me to like him in this way.

"He's nice but I don't like him like you would like me to like him. "

"Yet when I was watching you together on the beach and at dinner you seemed to like to spend time together. "

"Yes, we get on well, but it doesn't mean that we are in love with each other." I hesitated a moment before adding, "Rhaego, why do you want Jon and me to be in love with each other? "

"Because one day you told me that to have children you needed a man and a woman who loves each other, so I thought that if you and Jon fell in love you would make me little brothers and sisters. "

He looked at me with eyes filled with tears, and I couldn't prevent mine from filling with tears, knowing that I could never give him what he wanted; brothers and sisters.

"You know that I love you more than anything mom and I know you do everything to protect me but I have no other child to play with. When you're not here I only have Liliana and sometimes Missendei with whom I can play but they are both adults it's not the same. And then once I heard Liliana and Missendei discuss that your brother wasn't nice to you when you were little and I decided that when I finally became a big brother I would be the best on the planet. I promise you mom I'll be the best big brother in the world, I'll protect and I'll play with my little sister or my little brother and I'll never let anyone hurt him or her. "

My cheeks were filled with tears. I felt so bad for not being able to give him what he wanted the most. It was time for me to admit that it could never happen. Before I could explain anything Missendei knocked on the door to warn me that Jon Snow wanted to talk to me. Rhaego wiped my tears with his sleeve, he gave me a kiss on the forehead as I usually do to comfort him, then he smiled at me saying that it's not because I didn't like Jon that way that I had to make him wait. I laughed softly at this remark and kissed him before joining Missendei who informed me that Jon was waiting for me on the beach in front of the cave. I decided that as soon as I had time I would explain to Rhaego that I couldn't have children anymore. I knew that it would break his heart but I couldn't let him hope for something that will never happen.

I went down to the beach with Missendei. She asked me if I had news of the unsullied and answered that we would soon have it and that Gray Worm would come back soon.

"He better. " she said.

I turned to her intrigued by this answer.

"What happened? "

"Many things." I turned to her surprised and stopped her by grabbing her by the arm.

"Many things?" I repeated amused and happy for my best friend.

She smiled but we were interrupted by Jon before she could give me details. We smile at each other and I leave the dotrakies who followed me down the steps before following Jon accompanied by Missendei.

Jon looked at me worried and I realized right away that I must still have my face all red and swelled to have cried a few minutes ago. I made him a sign that I was fine and he nodded without saying a word, not convinced.

(imagine that the scene between daenerys and jon in episode 4 of season 7 where they speak in the cave and then on the beach is the same as in the series its useless that I re-write it so I resume at the end of this scene.)

I turned and left in the direction of the castle leaving all my advisers on the beach. I understood Jon's point and I know he was right but I was too upset to admit it. I had just lost all my allies because of Tyrion's plan and I was beginning to have doubts about his ability to judge in this war. After all the enemies was his family.

I heard someone follow me and I turned around to see that it was Jon.

"I didn't want to upset your grace but you asked for my opinion so I gave it to you. "

I sighed before answering him.

"And I thank you for your candor. I know you're right but I have so much to lose in this war. I don't want anyone to hurt my son. I want him to be safe that he is no longer hiding and for that I have to get rid of my enemies and as soon as possible. "

"I understand. "

We kept going up the stairs in silence for several minutes before he spoke again.

"How did it go with Rhaego earlier? Did he tell you why he was trying to make us fall in love with each other? "

I stopped, remembering the heartbreaking discussion I had with Rheago a few hours earlier. I turned to Jon.

"He wanted us to fall in love because one day I told him that to make a baby you needed a man and a woman who loves each other. He thought that if it was our case we would give him a little brother or a little sister. He feels alone. "

I looked at the floor.

"Well you just have to tell him he must be patient, once these wars are over you can get married and have as many children as you want and he will be thrilled. "

I remained silent, not certain that I wanted to confess the truth to a man I had known for so little time.

"You don't want to have another child?" He asked me surprised "Yet when we see you with Rhaego we see right away that he is the most important thing for you in the world, I thought you would like another child if you had the occasion. But you can explain to him if you don't want others children he will understand, it is clear that he loves you more than anything in the world. "

I looked up to look Jon in the eye. I took a deep breath.

"I would love to have other children, it would be my dearest dream but ... I can't have children anymore it's impossible. "

"Who told you that?" He asked me surprised.

"The witch who murdered my husband. "
"Doesn't it occur to you that she might not been a reliable source of information?"

I smiled at this remark while hoping with all my heart that he could be right. For a moment I found myself imagining what our children might look like and then I pulled myself together. It is now time for me to have a serious discussion with Rhaego.