Goddess of Madness (Completed)

Dream

Is it just a dream ? A nightmare? I can still remember in a brief of seconds, I saw it. Siyera. Blood.

"Gising ka na pala." Nakatulala lamang ako kay Mikos. I'm no longer in the forest. Nasa clinic ako ng bahay ni Otousan. I knew because of the cherry blossom tree painting na nasa pader.

"Where's Siyera." Natigilan ito at umangat ang tingin sa Kuya Mitos. Right there and then I knew, that wasn't a dream. Nakita ko talaga syang bumulagta sa tabi ko. She was coughing blood. I want to keep my eyes open but it really felt so heavy.

"No, this can't be." Napalunok ako. I can't accept it. Not when I saw her family outside. Wearing all black. Napahinto ako sa pagtakbo. I saw Syrus as he hugged her mom. Ayon sa nakasanayan sa Japan, there was an urn that is in front with her picture frame beside it.

I felt like my soul come out from my body. Napaupo ako sa lapag. I wasn't able to protect her.

"This is your fault. All your fault!" Seems like I can't see anything. Syrus voice were so far away. It's like I was on that spot again. When I heard the gun shot, then suddenly Siyera's in front of me. Her chest covered with blood. No! That bullet was meant to me. Why am I still here?

"Nung dumating kami, huli na Thens." Naramdaman ko ang yakap ni Mikos sa likod ko. Sumalampak din sya sa lapag at ikinulong ako sa kanyang mga hita. Hindi ko napansin, basa na ang aking muka ng luha na patuloy sa pag agos. Hindi ko napansin ang pag hagulgol ko. Bago ito sakin. Napatingin ako sa palad kong basa. Doon ko lang napansin na umiiyak ako. Niyakap ako ni Mikos.

"Umiiyak ako kuya." Humahagulgol man ay nasabi ko parin iyon. Nanginginig ang boses ko. Parang di makapaniwala na tumutulo ang luha sa mga mata.

"Tao ka Athena. Natural lang ang pag iyak. Sige iiyak mo lang iyan." Mas lalong lumakas ang hagulgol ko.
Sobrang sakit. Mas masakit pa sa nararamdaman kong kirot ng bali kong braso o tama ng baril sa katawan ko. Parang may pinilas na bahagi ng pagkatao ko. Doon ko nalaman kung gaano kahalaga si Siyera. Minahal nya ako ng sobra na kahit buhay nya ay isinantabi para sa akin.

"Athena!"  Hinahabol man ang hininga, I continued on hitting the drum set. I'm making a noise, inside I'm hearing the grievance of one's soul. If that soul is mine, that I don't know.

"Athena stop!" Hiniklas ni Ken ang aking braso bago pa ako makapukpok uli. Nagkatitigan kami. His reaction seems he wants to say something but then he is trying to keep it to himself. Then he looked to the drumset.

I was also shocked to see that it is worn out and nearly destroyed. It's been 3 months since the incident. Nothing goes right after that happened. Syrus loathe me. The fact that Siyera was gone had a great impact on my system. When I'm always alone I missed her. Maybe because, even though I am like this, even if I didn't let her see how much she means to me. She is the first person who stick with me. Who loved me. Idolised me and made me feel that it is worth living. Of course that's other than my cousins.

"You need to let her go. Forgive yourself. It's not your fault. I bet she's already happy that you are safe. That's what she wanted. Kung nandito siya yun din ang sasabihin nya." I opened my mouth to rebut, however I saw her on my memory smiling brightly and saying 'it's alright, I love you always'. The memory of that scenario played to my mind. A distant memory that I will hold dear for the rest of my life. Unknowingly I smiled. Then suddenly tears fell down, one after another until I laughed while crying.

Kento pulled me into a hug. That is the second time I cried for my entire life. Life has been hard to me. Parang naipon lahat at nung napuno na ang dam, hindi ko na mapigilan.

"Nandito lang ako. Nandito pa ako Athens." Humigpit ang yakap nya sa akin.  It's really hard for me also to see them worrying. Kelangan kong ayusin ang sarili ko. In the Philippines, none of them know about Siyera. I may not love her as a lover but I do cherish her. Maybe a bit more time I would probably love her ghe same way. She is really not that hard to love, although she have flaws. I also do but she sticked with me like a glue.

The following days, little by little I accepted what happened. Kento is always there and so is Aphrodite. She also seems happy with her best friend, Ryuu. I knew since then that he loved her. I also pushed him to tell her that and to make her feel it. I know that Aph like him in the first place, it's just that she fell in love with Chad. I had a feeling that they will meet each others feelings halfway.

"Kento, you always stuck with me like a sore thumb. Maghanap ka na ng girlfriend. Yung prinsipe nyo mukang mag kaka lovelife na." With arms cross I told him as we watch Ryu as he stepped on the pedal of the bike and Aph on the back hugging his waist and leaning on his back.

Hindi sya nag salita kaya napatingin ako sa kanya. He is looking at me with a serious face.

"Hindi magiging madali para sa kanila." Lumabas sa bibig nya.

Tinaasan ko sya ng kilay.
"I know. Aph knows that too, but did you see those two? They're up for it." I smiled on the thought that finally my cousin will be happy again.

"Ikaw, anong balak mo ?"

"Balak saan?" Balik kong tanong sa kanya.

"Mananatili ka ba sa organisasyon ng papa mo?..." Bumukas sara ang bibig nya. Hinintay ko muna kung may idudugtong sya ngunit wala.

"Yeah, probably. I am the daughter after all. Isa pa kailangan ako dito nila kuya, sa ngayon busy din sila sa world tour."

"I really admire those twins. How can they still manage their time?"

"They are not sleeping." I said seriously looking into his eyes.

"Yeah you're kidding." He laughed a bit.

"That's the truth. Halos hindi na sila natutulog lalo na nung wala ako dito. That's their dream. To be in Neon Notes, have the spotlight. Also they have responsibilities."

"They are awesome!" Ken is really fan of my brothers. His eyes are twinkling with excitement every time he meet them.

"They have their dream. So, what is yours? I never heard of you say anything you want to be in future or you plan to be. Except that you will build an Empire of games. You already did that, what's next?" I was caught of guard with his question. None of them, no one asked me about that. Even myself I didn't asked myself what is my dream. I always follow where the waters take me.

"Haven't thought of that." But internally, i am deeply contemplating to what do I really wanted.