Don't Write Me Off (Christian Romance)

Chapter Fourteen

Jack had only taken a few steps when he felt his mother take his hand.

"Wait." Her voice was hoarse.

He waited but didn't turn back. He couldn't look his mother in the eye after what he'd just revealed to her. But she moved to stand right in front of him, such that she was facing him.

"Jack." Her voice was filled with love and compassion. There was no sign of hatred or rejection on her face. All he saw was love mixed with pain and sadness.

"Come; let's sit." It was more of a plea than a suggestion.

Jack sat on a sofa. His mother sat next to him and took both his hands in hers.

"So, this is what has been eating you up."

Jack didn't respond. He couldn't speak with the lump in his throat. He buried his face in his hands. They sat quietly for minutes, neither saying anything until his mother broke the silence.

"Remember when I said your happiness is my happiness and your shame is my shame?"

Jack nodded.

"Well, I meant it." She gave a laugh void of humor. "What pains me is the fact that you've been carrying this burden all by yourself and I wasn't even sensitive enough to know something was wrong until your wife called me."

Jack couldn't bring himself to say anything. He was fed up with this burden and he knew it wasn't going to get any lighter. There was no use waking up every day, afraid that he might someday lose his ministry, his family and his good reputation. Knowing that Caroline Williams was somewhere on the face of this earth with his unborn child didn't make things any easier. She could just wake up one morning and decide to destroy him. She had the gun in her hands, all she needed to do was to pull the trigger. And she had every reason to. If she did, the shame and pain would be too much to bear. Jack gave up on trying to reach her after so many failed attempts. He had given up on life itself. He remembered the look on his mother's face when he told her the news. If his mother, one of the closest people to him could look at him that way, how much more others? What about Martha, the woman he loved. He'd rather die than see the look on her face if she heard this news. He'd rather die than carry this burden.

"Are you listening to me?" His mother interrupted his thoughts.

"Sorry. What did you say?"

"When did this happen?"

"About three months ago." Jack's voice was just a little louder than a whisper.

"That long, and I didn't know."

Jack couldn't bring himself to comfort her. He couldn't even comfort himself. He'd settled for suicide, but how will his mother take it, or his wife and daughter? He wished there was an easier way, but they all were better off without him. The church was better off without him. He'd just leave them a note telling them how much he loved them and how they'd be better off without him. Martha needed a better husband, Tessy, a better father. Unfortunately, he was mom's only son. Thank God he and Martha had Tessy, she'll preserve mom's posterity. He could stab himself, but that would be too painful. He couldn't hang himself because that would be slow and painful. He could just take poison. He'd look for some poison that works fast without pain and once he takes it, that'll be the end to all his problems. The only thing that was delaying him was this conversation. Jack couldn't wait for it to end and at the same time, he wanted to treasure the last conversation he'll ever have with his mother.

"Jack?" He was distracted again.

"Sorry." He cracked his knuckles. 

"Do you mind telling me the whole story." She squeezed his hands gently. "Please, I want to know everything that happened. Right from the beginning.