The Worst (Unthinkable)

Pray You Catch Me

'You can taste the dishonesty
It's all over my breath as I pass it off so cavalier
But even that's a test
Constantly aware of it all
Your lonely ear
Pressed against the walls of my world'

○

The Bronx, New York
Onika Maraj

Walking in the apartment I turn around closing and locking the door as silently as I could.

"Where you been nic?" I jump in shock hearing his voice behind me.

"I had went over to cyns, she's going through relationship problems again and needed a shoulder to cry on" Bel had rubbed off on me a little bit too much for my liking cause these lies fell from my lips like they was the truth these days.

He eyes me up and down studying my face and body language, I don't know why though cause he didn't know me well enough to be able to decipher if I was lying.

"It's wild early though so I'm going to bed" I excuse myself from the uncomfortable situation walking straight past him and down the small hall.

Walking in the bedroom I let out a small sigh, living a double life was tiring as hell.

Sitting my phone on the edge of the bed I plug my dead phone up to the charger laying it on the nightstand.

Standing up I walk over to the bathroom closing the door behind me, going over to the shower I turn the water on fixing the temperature to my liking.

Which was 3rd degree burns hot.

Stripping out my clothes I slid the glass door over stepping in the steaming water.

The small beads of heat hit my skin rinsing the nights sins away with each droplet.

Soaping up my loofah I gently began to wash her scent off of every inch of my body.

Half an hour passes by before I'm finally ready to step out the now warm water.

Turning the water off I slide the glass door over letting the cold air hit my warm skin.

Stepping out the shower I grab a towel from the rack wrapping it around my body.

Walking out the bathroom I walk over to the dresser where I had a small drawer filled with clothes and under garments.

I got dressed in a simple pair of shorts and a tank top because I planned on going straight to bed, I was beyond exhausted.

"Who is the worst nic?" I stop my movements letting time stop around me as my heartbeat fills my ears.

I was shook.

"Huh?" I croak slowly turning around facing him.

He had my phone clenched in his palm, veins poking out his arm by how tight his fingers where wrapped around it.

"Don't play stupid with me right now, you heard what I said" He viciously spits through clenched teeth.

"Look just give me my phone and I'll be on my way" His head drops as his breaths grow heavier. I felt bad but it wasn't a point in elaborating on everything, I was already caught up so I might as well just leave.

"The fact that you not even trying to deny shit" He deeply chuckles shaking his head.

"Deny it for what? You obviously already seen enough to know what I did so just give me my phone so I can leave, don't make this harder than what it has to be" I softly sigh folding my arms over my chest.

"So who is it?" He retorts looking up at me.

"Does it really matter?"

"It's that girl from the graduation ain't it?" He questions and I sigh looking up at the ceiling.

"I should've known by the way you looked at her, you looked at her like how I want you to look at me. I should've known, why would you even lead me on like this knowing your in love with somebody else?"

"You were supposed to just be a distraction, I'm sorry that you got caught in this crossfire. You're an amazing guy and you'll mean the world to some girl some day, but that girl isn't me"

I could see in his face that I had really hurt him which I never intended to do but I knew eventually this was bound to happen.

"How long?" His voice slightly cracks but he quickly covers it up clearing his throat.

"Just gi-"

"How long!" I jump at the rise in his voice.

"Almost two months" I mumble shamefully dropping my head eyeing the floor.

"Wow, so did you ever have feelings for me?"

The silence between us was deadly as I scrambled to think of the right words to say.

"You're a good g-"

"Spare me the bullshit. Take ya phone and all the rest of ya shit and get the fuck out" He harshly spits tossing my phone on the bed and I sigh walking over picking it up.

"I'm sorry I hurt you" I tell him sincerely before brushing past him walking out the room.

I felt horrible for hurting him but I was also relieved that he had caught me, it was like a breath of fresh air.

I was finally free from those suffocating sheets.

The Bronx, New York
Belcalis Almanzar

"That nigga would've never been able to handle the real you anyways" I chuckle pressing my thumbs in her foot gently rubbing in circular motions.

We was on the couch, her feet was all up in my lap and I had mines propped up on the table.

"I know, I just feel so bad" She pouts.

"Fuck that nigga" I laugh and she softly smacks my arm.

"Have some compassion cardi" She rolls her eyes shaking her head.

"You got any compassion for kb?" I retort and she looks at the wall staying quiet.

"That's what I thought too" I chuckle.

I had kut kb completely off, she was heart broken but we both knew eventually this day would come.

I wished her the best though, I truly hoped she found the love she was looking for in me in the right person.

"I missed laying up with you all day, ignoring the fucking world" I smile and she blushes with a sly smile.

"It took you too long to come home"

"But you waited" She smiles.

"Of course I waited, if it ain't you then I don't want it. It's us or nothing, how  many times I gotta tell you you stuck with me?" I laugh as she playfully rolls her eyes.