The Worst (Unthinkable)

From Time

'I love me, I love me enough for the both of us
That's why you trust me, I know you've been through more than most of us
So what are you? What are you, what are you so afraid of?
Darling you, you give but you cannot take love'

○

3 Days Later
Bronx, New York
Belcalis Almanzar

Art in motion

It was the only words I could come up with to describe the silent poetry I was witnessing.

The way her back arched high off the bed when I slowly kissed her sensitive bud.

How her fingertips desperately grasped the covers when I slid the dildo deep inside her.

The way she moaned my name.

Her moans were almost therapeutic as they drove me to go faster or deeper so I can hear them over and over again in different pitches.

But the thing I loved the most was when she looked in my eyes with all of her vulnerability, because I saw the real her.

"Oh my goddddd" Her voice cracks as a sharp gasp escapes her lips and then came my name in a long dragged moan.

I slowly pump the dildo inside her letting her orgasm run it's course as I simultaneously lapped her waters up cleaning her up.

She whimpers tugging on the sides of my face and I slide the dildo out of her sitting it to the side before moving up hovering over her.

She pulls me down by the back of my neck connecting our lips in a slow passionate kiss, we move in perfect sync expressing ourselves through the kiss until the air ran thin.

We both pull back breathing heavily, our foreheads connected as so where our eyes.

She had so much raw emotion going through her eyes and I knew what she was feeling, I could feel the powerful energy dripping off of her.

I could tell by the look in her eyes that it was draining everything in her to not say it but I was thankful that she didn't.

She didn't have to say it outloud because I could tell when she looked at me, how she looked at me.

Saying it outloud would just make us real and I knew I wasn't ready for that, my head was too fucked up from the last time I said those three little words.

I was in too deep, this was never supposed to go this far. But I was here, addicted to her, genuinely caring about her just like star warned me.

"I-" She starts and I cover her mouth shaking my head.

"Don't" I whisper ignoring the quick flicker of hurt in her eyes because as fast as it came the quicker it diminished.

Rolling off of her I got out the bed standing up.

"Come take a bath with me" I softly smile looking back at her with my hand out and she intertwines her fingers in mines.

Her friends were right, I wasn't good for her. She was sweet, innocent, and I was closed off filled with trauma but she was everything I needed and I was too selfish to let her go.

Onika Maraj

"Nic?"

"Nicki?" A hand touches my shoulder and I jump in shock.

"Girl you okay? I've been calling ya name for the past minute" My coworker Ashley says looking over me concerned.

"Yea I'm fine, I was just deep in thought" I softly smile up at her and she looks like she wanted to say something but thankfully she took my answer.

"Alright, I was just checking up on you" She smiles patting my back before walking out the break room.

As soon as she was out of my eyesight I drop my head in my hands sighing deeply.

I had way too much on my mind and I couldn't focus at all.

I didn't understand her, my head couldn't wrap around her logic and the way she thought.

I always looked at her wondering what she was thinking, or feeling but it's like a big wall blocking me from seeing her emotions.

She was so blunt yet so closed off and jaded.

The only time she expressed emotion was when our bodies where tangled up in silk sheets committing acts of passion.

That's how I knew she felt the same way, she was just scared to say it, afraid to act on it.

And now she was making me suffer because she doesn't want to hear me say it which was selfish. I deserved to get this weight off my heart just as much as I thought she deserved to hear it.

It was toxic to keep this type of emotion bottled in even though I expressed it in so many ways to her.

It wasn't fair to my mental health because I couldn't stop thinking about it.

How long would I have to carry this burden on my heart until she was ready to hear it? Would she ever be ready? Should I even put her mental before mines and wait?