JailBird

32.) dePRESSED

What I was about to do would hurt him but I prayed that deep down inside I could be forgiven.

"I can't." I spoke up.

Everyone in the room huffed and I even heard a few oh hell nawls.

But I was doing what was best for both us and Au'Moni.

He looked at me with those piercing eyes as he got off he knees.

"Why?" He questioned.

"August about 4 months ago I was diagnosed with Ischemic heart disease, My heart could give up on me at any minute. And I don't want to waste Moni, nor your time. So I'm leaving you guys. I'm moving as far as possible before it's too late. I don't want you to come home and see me laid out dead nor do I want that for Moni so plz don't be angry at me." He looked at me up and down and scuffed.

He stepped closer to me and spoke in my ear.

"I would kill your ass my damn self. I fucking love you. Every time I love y'all stupid bitches y'all fuck over my heart. I'm done with you and JaNaye." He spat.

My eyes widened at the mention of her name. But I let it go because it seems soo he has spoken with her again.

"By the time I get home. Have your shit out my house. And even tho I'm being so shitty right now. I hope you have the best fucking death possible." And with that he kissed my cheek and walked out the restaurant infuriated.

I dropped to my knees and cried.

He didn't know how hard it was for a woman to leave her child behind. Or have another woman raising the human being that they pushed out.

I wasn't doing this for myself only. I thought about everyone with making this decision.

I noticed August family had left and most of mines too but my nana came and lifted me off the ground.

Then we sat as I cried.

"You know Keke, you've hurt him more than possible but it's not your fault baby. When it's time to go seek our king we have no other choice. I'm gonna give you some Money to go back to Zimbabwe, look for Papa Rufaro. That's your grandad he'll take good care of you until it's your time." She said as she dug in her purse and handed me a stack.

"Take this and run away. Don't come back. They say no land takes care of you more than your home land. You'll be at peace." I cried as I hugged her a final time and took off.

I didn't look back but I did say a prayer for my daughter.

JaNaye Simone Winters

Over the past week I have been staying to myself. I've blocked almost everyone's number because I simply wanted to stay alone.

After talking to Kevin at the club I realized that life's not what I was taught it is.

Life is hard as hell without income and that alone can drive you insane.

Since then I signed up for depression classes. I wasn't totally depressed but I knew it was getting worse.

I had gotten ready(out in mm) and drove down to my first session.

I was about 5 minutes early so I did a quick prayer and headed inside.

Since the club incident I found myself talking to god more and more everyday.

I walked inside and sat down in one of the empty seats.

I looked around the circle to see 5 other people.  An old lady, A mid aged male, 2 twin teenagers, and a Younger girl my age.

"Okay y'all since we have a new member we will introduce ourselves. I'll start, My name is Jessica. I was once suffering with depression but Im so glad to say that I am not depressed anymore." She spoke and everyone clapped.

"My name is Angela and this is my twin Angel. We are going threw Major depression. Our parents left us to drown at a water park when we were three." Angela cried.

The rest of them introduced themselves and then it was turn.

"Hello my name is JaNaye Simone Winters. I am suffering from Situational depression. I haven't always been this dark and depressed. I used to be one of the good girls who always laughed and smiled. But that was until I met my first love. He tore me apart without even taking my innocence. But I can say that it was my fault too because I was new to whole boyfriend lover thingy. I can partially say it's my fathers fault also for not allowing me to explore while I was of age. He held me back from a lot of things. And now I'm having to pay for the damage he caused." I looked at everyone.

"Well Ms. Winters, you have completed step one of healing. You have admitted to being depressed and you have noticed the problem and the source." Jessica said to me and the others clapped.

•1 hour time skip•

I was done with my meeting about depression and I could say today went well. Just talking about my problems helped me enough to get through out the day and rest of the week.

As I rode down the street I noticed a candle store and decided to stop.

People always say candles help with bad energy and that's not what I needed rn.

I parked and headed inside. Once I made it to the door there was a sign that read Help Wanted.

I mentally thanked god for his goodness and his grace before entering.

I looked around before picking up to scented candles.

One of them was watermelon lemonade and the other was Magnolia Passion.

I took them to the counter.

"Will this be all maam?" The clerk asked.

"Well the sign said that you were hiring and I was wondering if I could fill out an application." I replied.

"Oh yes ma'am. Here is a copy of our application and you total is $24.93" she smiled.

I gave her a twenty and a five dollar bill. She rang it up as I grabbed a pin from the cup and started to fill out the paperwork. 

"Keep the change." I informed.

She put the extra change into the cash register and waited for me to finish.

No one else was behind me so I had time.