breathe// 5SOS

34

"Why are so many people in here?"

"Briefing, it's okay though,"

"Oh, okay,"

"How has everything been going?" Dan asked, probably because I was a mess last time I saw him.

"It's okay,"

"Do you want to sit in here and eat?"

"I don't know,"

"I'd stay with you, that's all," Jenni said, "dad said you were busy today though,"

I nodded, not really up for conversation with them- I wanted to call Marcus.

"I'll come if I need anything,"

"Alright, don't get in too much trouble,"

I smiled and went back to the office, sitting on the sofa with my cereal. Part of me didn't want to annoy Marcus this early, because he seemed like the person who liked to sleep in until 11am, and then still not move. Maybe I was wrong, maybe he was like me, but he just seemed so relaxed yesterday.

Deciding on a text, I sent him good morning and loaded Netflix on the laptop. I opened the computer and found a little note, smiling to myself.

Good morning poppet x
You were snoring so loudly this morning, which I knew meant you were having a brilliant sleep. I hope you had a nice dream! For lunch, come down to my office at 12:30 and we will go to the canteen together, and you know the breakfast plan.

I hope you and Marcus have a nice talk, and get to know more about each other. There is some fruit in the bag that I would love for you to eat, you need your medicine, and you need to brush your teeth too (just go to a bathroom)

I love you lots and lots, dad x

I looked in the bag and saw a bottle of water, and a packet of mango, which I actually loved. Since I'd finished my cereal, I ate it as part of my breakfast, finding my toothbrush and some toothpaste in the bag.

I hated that I had to do it in the bathroom, so I chose to go all the way to one near dad's office. It would be less strange if a patient walked in, because they'd assume I had an appointment too.

Once I was done with that, I went back and saw a message on my phone. It was from Marcus, telling me he could call. I opened the laptop, then Skype, eagerly waiting for a call. Dad must've saved him as a contact because his name popped up for me to accept.

I sat on the sofa, the laptop on my lap as we connected.

"Hey," he smiled, "Sorry for my morning look,"

"Still look better than me,"

"Don't say that, why would you say that?"

I shrugged and looked down, biting my lip. It was stupid, and he didn't deserve to hear all my negativity.

"Hey, Ava? I don't know much about you, and that's what this call is about, but you are so beautiful,"

"I'm sorry,"

"It's okay. We all feel insecure, don't apologise. Why don't you tell me more about you?"

"Like what?"

"Maybe your background, if you're okay with that? Or perhaps just who you are,"

"Um, I am usually quiet. I don't like big groups of people, but I really like my close group of friends,"

"Me too,"

"I have a therapist and we worked through PTSD but I have anxiety that can be hard to manage, and sometimes it still feels like I'm there,"

"There?"

"I don't want to talk about it,"

"Alright, then we won't,"

"I also have asthma, and I'm very allergic to blueberries, and I have to take lots of medicine in the morning... which I forgot to do!"

"Do that now then, I can wait. In fact, I'll talk about me while you do that,"

I grabbed the bag and laid it in front of me, putting them in order.

"I'm quiet too, but I can be loud if I need to be. I don't really have close friends because I've moved around a lot, but I do have some friends. It's kind of creepy, because I also have asthma, but I guess that's genetic,"

"It's what?"

"Genetic. We got it from our parents,"

"Oh, right, them,"

"Also, I'm bisexual, and I get if you don't want to know me anymore,"- "Ava, shush,"

"Sorry,"

"You sound incredible, and really strong, so stop telling me it's okay to not like you. Don't devalue yourself,"

"You have good advice,"

"I've met a lot of people. Some wiser than others,"

"I really wish I could hug you right now," I said quietly.

"We will soon,"

"There's so many times where I needed you, even though I didn't know you. I had so much hurt, and I thought no one would ever love me," I said, starting to cry, "I don't know you well but I just want a hug,"

"Ava, it's okay," he said softly, "there's times when I'm upset and I wish could have an incredible sibling to help. I don't know what happened, but I want to make you happy. Your dad sounds amazing too,"

"He is so amazing,"

"I can't wait to meet him either. Before we carry on, I want a promise,"

"What?"

"Each day, you have to look at yourself and remind yourself you are beautiful, and smart, and worth something. It sounds stupid, I know, but I've found you now, and as an older brother, I will protect you,"