Two years ago I made a decision that would have changed my life forever. Of course I knew what I was doing; the only problem is that, over the years I lost control of things. Now I’m in trouble. I'm stuck, I’m confused, and I’m just in a mess. I thought I had things under control, I thought I would be able to make it through you know what I mean? (I guess not). Now I’m really................ lost. I mean, at first things seemed to be fine. Now all of a sudden it has broken me into a million pieces. I am messed up. I am hurting and I want to give up. Everything that i wanted, just seem impossible to reach only because this thing is in my way.
And yet I did this,
I have made it a part of me,
Learned it, lived it, loved it.
It's in my heart, but not fully who I am,
I just don't know what to do cuz I don't wanna give up, just don’t wanna give in to all the pressure, but the struggles of life are just too real.
The other problem is that I can't do much about it because I'm the one who made this real. I made it a problem and there’s no turning back.
This might not even make sense to you guys but to be honest, this is what happens in my mind when I sit down and think even for a couple minutes. It's like everything becomes blurry and I can't see a thing, this has become so bad that sometimes I can't breathe, sometimes I don't want to, it's as if I want to just disappear, I want everything to stop and I want to fall into oblivion...... just like................................ Just.... DIE!!!! You know what I mean?!?!
NO?
*Sigh* It's all messed up and all crazy and I’m seriously tired and I want everything to stop and slow down, I want to hide and just be locked away, just for a couple of hours so I can think and breathe and relax. To forget about school, my dad, my mom, my sister, my "so-called" friends, SCHOOL, my hormones, that guy who 'claims' to 'love' me, my sad attitude towards life sometimes, my homicidal rage........ honestly, I just wanna forget that I have to breathe!!
The thing is, it seems to be impossible and it's as if I can't cope with it anymore, I really want everything to just STOP.
The voices in my head,
The people I have to see daily,
I need them to vanish,
I need to forget!!
Everything needs to restart,
Because I’m losing it,
No.........
I've lost it.
