Abroad

Chapter 56

When Lizzie returns, Jack is with her. She also brought a bottle of rose wine and I gulp down my first glass. I would do anything to numb myself and forget. They don't talk about Hero anymore and I don't mention him either. We're playing Cards Against Humanity and I actually find some joy in the game. I'm drinking way too much wine and I know Lizzie is watching me.

"Are you sure you'll be okay when we leave?" Lizzie asks at midnight.

"Of course, you can go to bed. I'll be fine," I give her a reassuring smile. She's frowning because she doesn't believe me but Jack gently takes her away. I take deep breaths when they're gone. I look at my bed and the tears return immediately. In a sudden wave of anger I smash everything that's on my bed on the floor and take off the sheets. I can't look at them anymore, they remind me of the nights I had with Hero. I need to buy new ones tomorrow and bury these ones deep in my closet. I need to bury the memories. I take a fluffy blanket and put it on top of me. I take my teddy and press my face against him. I'm crying with loud sobs now and I'm not sure if I'll be able to stop.

I've cried myself to sleep again and when I wake up my eyes are swollen and my face is puffy. Great. I'm debating whether to get some coffee or not. I don't want to run into anyone. As if she's read my mind, Lizzie knocks on my door with a cup of coffee.

"You're a lifesaver!"

"I knew you wouldn't want to run into anyone." Grateful I take a sip. The only good thing about today is that I don't have class.

"What are you up to today?"

"Nothing much... I don't have class today."

"Do you want to have a girlsday?"

"I don't want to go outside..."

"You can't hide in here forever."

"Yes I can!"

"Come on, we'll get to the spa and have afternoon tea at Pettigrew's." I pull a face. I really want to stay inside. I want to forget all about Hero.

"Okay. There's one condition, we go out tonight." I can see that she's worried.

"Let's take Jack and Killian with us."

"Okay, deal! I need to buy some new sheets too."

"Get dressed, we'll get those first." Lizzie returns to Jack's room and gives me time to shower. After my shower you can still tell that I've cried all night. I don't have a lot of make up so there's nothing to cover it up. I pull my hair into a messy bun and go find Lizzie.

After buying some new sheets, we cross the bridge to the spa. It would have been a pretty fun day if Hero wasn't on my mind all the time. He hurt me so bad. All I can think about during spa and afternoon tea is getting smashed tonight. I want to numb myself and forget. I'm a bit more relaxed though when we walk back.

"Thank you for today. You're an amazing friend Lizzie," I say when I enter our building.

"You're welcome sweetie. You would have done the same." She hugs me and I wrap my arms around her for a second.

"I love you!" I say when the elevator opens. My bad mood returns immediately. Hero and Melany are standing in the elevator. He doesn't say anything. He just stares at me and so does she.

"Umm... hey. I'm Melany," she says to Lizzie with a broad smile. She wants to shake her hand but Lizzie jerks hers away.

"Yeah... I can't be bothered." Without another word Lizzie walks away to take the stairs. I can't move. Hero and I just stare at each other. Lizzie returns and gently tugs at my arm.

"Come on, we need to get ready."

"Ready for what?" Hero says to her without taking his eyes of me.

"We're going out tonight."

"Where?"

"None of your fucking business Hero. Now, leave us alone." She pushes him aside and drags me in to the elevator. Melany tugs at Hero's arm and drags him with her.

"Are you okay?"

"I can't stay here. I can't be this close to him."

"You'll be fine. You have one more class together before Easter. It will be good for you to see your family."

She is right. It will be good for me to return to Belgium. Maybe I should just stay there. Can I return to Cardiff and these dorms after everything that's happened? Can I be this close to Hero but so far away at the same time?