Abroad

Chapter 67

When I walk to Bute Park I repeat all the things I want to say. If we both want to finish our year living in the same building, we need a proper talk. We'll see each other a lot and I need to find a way to deal with that. Hero is already there and the sight of him makes me forget all the things I want and need to say. He looks perfect. He is wearing a white hoodie, white sneakers and black jeans. He's staring into the water and I can tell he's a million miles away. I'd do anything just to know what he's feeling or thinking for once but I can't. He's still a beautiful mystery to me. He's always been.

"Hey." I sit down next to him and watch over the Taff.

"I'm glad you came," he simply says.

"Of course. I'm sorry we couldn't talk before but I was just..." I struggle to find words. Hurt? Jealous? Angry? All of the above?

"Hurt." He finishes for me. "I understand. I'm sorry too." We're silent for a while.

"Is there still a chance for us?" He asks without looking at me.

"No." He turns his head and his bright green eyes stare into mine. There's so much emotion in his eyes. Hurt, guilt, anger, shock.

"Isn't there anything I can do to make this right?" He whispers.

"I don't think so... It's just better to be friends. We still have a couple of months to go and after that you'll go back to the States and I'm moving back to Belgium. We almost live together so we just need to find a way to get along." My voice breaks and I struggle not in burst into tears. He's seen too much of them.

"And we have to make a film." His voice is hard.

"Oh Hero... I don't expect you to be in my film. I'll find another actor."

"What?! Why?"

"Do you still want to be in it? Like, honestly?"

"Yes. I promised you I would."

"Making a film means long days on set. We would be together all the time. Do you really think we're able to be around each other that much?" It warms my heart that he still wants to be in my film but I'm just not sure I'll be able to cope if I'm around him all the time. Everything about Hero draws me in. Even sitting next to him makes me want to touch him, cuddle him, kiss him. Seeing each other from time to time would be hard but manageable. But making a film together?

"That's exactly what I want."

"What?"

"Be around you every minute of the day." He stares into my eyes again as if to prove to me that he's serious. I look away and he continues. "If this is what you want, I'll respect that but I want to be around you as much as I can for as long as I can. You're right, we're both moving away so I want to spend all the time we have with you." My jaw drops. What?

"You heard the friends part right?"

"I did. But I already told you, I can't be your friend. You'll always be so much more but I'm done trying to convince you. I want to make this film. Maybe we'll end up as friends. Maybe we'll end up hating each other. Maybe you'll end up falling in love with me all over again. I don't know but I want to do this together."