If I were a Rich Man

38 10 10

(prompt: 'rich' 19/7/2019)

"Oh yeh! Baz? Been gonna ask you, several times now."

Baz sat up in almost full attention mode... for him. "Yair? Wot's on yer orange rind?"

"No matter how many times you pass the pokies on your way to water the wedding tackle , I've never seen you even tempted to have a bit of a bread 'n butter. Never!" Joe gave him a playful nudge. "Scared you might not be posh enough to mix with the big spenders? Hey?" Joe dug his old mate in the ribs a time or two more.

"Na-h-h-h! Firstable, just think about it. Other night it was over 30mill smackeroos... Phew-w-w-w!" And his sigh was so big it nearly blew the head off his beer. For the first time ever, Baz was grateful for the swollen head of froth George, the barman, insisted on giving him. Despite his beloved comment 'a collar like that deserves a tie', George never did more than raise an eyebrow and flick any errant froth across the bar disdainfully, leaving other patrons to wonder if he didn't do it deliberately. A special just for Baz?

"You could give most away to charities if it upset you that much."

"Nah-h... bloody kids'd have me declared nuts and locked away to get their grubby little grabbers on the whole bloody lot of it." They both stopped to schloop down the rest of their beer, thumping their tankards down in unison with a nod to George for one more. No mistaking the meaning of George's cocked eyebrow - Just ONE more? Baz and Joe? Ha! I'd like to see that The barman had the memory of years of experience with these two to lean on. And he did. Heavily.

"Besides, yer silly old bugger..." Baz was swaying again but Joe's face showed he was confident there was still another four or five drinks left before the point-of-no-return would be reached, and he'd need to effect the usual rescue.

"...besides. I don't like them One-arm Bandit machines - they give me headaches. All that spinnin' stuff. And hey, yer know what else? S'no wonder. Them Docs say they give you Epijewel fits. Didja know that?"

"They give you WHAT?"

"Uhrr no. You're right. That's not it. Unelected fits? NOPE. And it's not electric bits... Hang on. It's called peptic fits. That's the bloody little trimmer."

Joe was getting a little vague himself about the proper name, but he knew Baz didn't have it right yet. Ah well, the night was still young... ish! And Baz was still babbling and giggling. "But also. Way, way back.There was something else..."

"Like WHAT?!?" Joe was fed up with this bar burble tonight.

"Uhrr... 'no joke, no poke'. Was that it? Hey? Wotcha say?"

Joe tightened one side of his mouth. Can't tell me little mate a porky-pie.

"Well-ll-ll... I'm thinking we won't go there. That's a whole 'nother can of worms!"

Glossary of Aussie-isms (and Baz-isms) used here:

Gonna - going to

Orange rind - mind

Water the wedding tackle - uhrr, I'll leave that one to your imaginations. You are writers, aren't you?

A bread 'n butter - a flutter, a bet

Firstable - first of all

Smackeroos - dollars

One-arm Bandit - early manual 'pokie' machines had a handle to pull each time a wager was made.

'No joke, no poke' - Go figure! It's another imagination job!

Porky-pie - lie

Can of worms - same as Pandora's box.

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