breathe// 5SOS

3

"I guess,"

He kissed my head, making me sit up and hold Harry's hand instead.

"Are you okay now?"

"Yeah,"

"Good. At school this week, do you want to come with my friends at lunch?"

"Yes please,"

I got to be in lessons with my friends, and also became close with Harry's friends. They didn't care about the situation, they just welcomed me.

I let go of his hand about halfway through, fiddling with a thread on my top instead. I needed to be doing something, I could never sit still. He offered me a sweet but I declined, having an ache in the back of my mouth. I put it down to my braces, to comfort myself.

As soon as the lights came on, I stood up, wanting to get back to someone's house. This time, I didn't care about the looks, I wanted to get out.

No one seemed to understand how much I wanted to get out, and get home, under a blanket to stop myself feeling insane.

"We'll meet you outside," Harry offered, "it's a bit stuffy in here,"

He nudged me forward and we went down the stairs, out of the room and towards the exit. Since I was almost running, he grabbed my arm and stopped me, turning my head to face him.

"Slow down,"

"I want to leave,"

"I know, but wouldn't it be nice to be able to come out and try ways to cope, and not feel so anxious?"

"You don't get it,"

"I do," he said, "I do. Focus on your breathing, and don't think about other people. Everyone has their own worried to focus on, no one is here critiquing your outfit, or your hair, and if they are then they're horrible,"

"I know it's not that easy, but that's a place to start,"

"This is just a big place," I said, tugging at his arm.

"We all get it, but we all want to help,"

"I can't function normally,"

"Don't start that again," he said firmly.

Everyone else caught up, dad wrapping his arm around my shoulder. I shrugged him off and went to grandma instead, leaning into her as we walked.

She smelt of her perfume, and it was comforting. Through everything, she'd been a big figure for me, since I didn't have a mum. Small things like that were comforting.

"Let's get home, you and Harry can go and play football in the garden,"

"I want to hide under a duvet," I said bluntly.

"I know, but we talked about this. Getting out and about can help,"

"But I don't want to,"

"Twenty minutes, that's all I'm asking,"

"Grandma," I whined, "please don't make me. Please, please, please,"

"Ava,"

I huffed and tried to get out of her arms, feeling her grip tighten. I pulled again, feeling my cheeks burn.

"Get off me,"

"Ava, stop,"

"Get off me!" I shouted, pushing her away. Viola and Harry caught her before she could fall, Lauren and dad stopping.

"Now that was ridiculous,"

"Ash, it's okay,"

"It's not okay mum, she can't just do that!"

I burst into tears, frantically looking around. The high street was straight ahead, and there were bound to be toilets in one shop, so I bolted towards it.

I didn't know why.

So many emotions were running through me and I wanted to leave where the situation was. I wanted to breathe again, and turn normal. I hadn't even got my slushie, which was honestly the only reason I came out.

Dad would be furious.

Granted I couldn't run for long, but I didn't need to. I went into the first shop and stumbled up the stairs, seeing the sign for toilets.

I got into a cubicle and sat on the toilet seat, fumbling to get my phone out.

There were only three rings before someone answered.

"Hello?"

"Michael," I choked out, "Michael help,"

"What's wrong? Where are you?"

"I'm a toilet, I ran from everyone because I pushed grandma, because she wanted me to play football, but I can't," I sobbed, "I can't do it, today has been stressful,"

"Take a lot of deep breaths. I will come and pick you up,"

"I did a stupid thing,"

"We can always apologise. Wipe your tears, do you know what shop you're in?"

"I don't know, the first one on the high street after the cinema bit,"

"Um, I think I know what you mean. It'll be okay,"

I ended the call and picked my feet up onto the toilet seat. While I grabbed tissue, I heard Lauren calling my name- I didn't reply. It was crazy that she had already found me.

I didn't reply to dad's texts, or Calum's texts, or Harry's call. I knew dad would've told Calum, thinking I'd tell him where I was.

However, as soon as someone came in, asking if I was in here for Michael, I unlocked the cubicle. Outside, he stood there, taking me in his arms.

"I've not got a ticket, so we need to go fast,"

"I messed up,"

"You made a mistake, yes, but we will sort this out,"