INSECURITY. - JINGYEOM

sixteen.

yugyeom found himself in the bathroom, 2 fingers down his throat as he coaxed the pizza he ate previously back up. he knew it was stupid of him, bambam was in the room beside him, sleeping. hopefully it would stay that way.

he felt weak, he thought that he was done doing this after every meal, but apparently he was wrong. he spent months with his hyungs, recovering, or at least trying to. he thought he'd recovered, but he hadn't.

thinking about it made him whimper, he couldn't let anyone find out about this, he couldn't worry or disappoint his friends further. but he needed someone, right now he really really needed someone. not bambam though, he didn't want bambam.

he wanted, no he needed jinyoung.

gyeom
hyung i'm sorry
seen 2:48am

jinyoungie
what? why are you
sorry gyeom?
seen 2:48am

gyeom
i thought i was better, i
thought i recovered but
it's back
seen 2:49am

gyeom
it's back hyung
seen 2:49am

jinyoungie
what's back angel?
seen 2:50am

gyeom
it, it's back
seen 2:50am

jinyoungie
i don't understand gyeom,
what's it?
sent

yugyeom didn't want to say the name of what was back, it was scary, he didn't want to admit he had a problem. but he had many problems, too many to count on his hands alone.

he was slumped against the bathtub, shaking and crying. he wasn't sobbing, tears just rolled down his soft cheeks. he felt useless and stupid, he was a disappointment in every way possible.

"stupid, so so stupid." he muttered to himself, bringing his knees up to his chest. even if bambam wasn't who he wanted, he secretly, deep down hoped he would wake up, and find him. he needed comfort and attention but he didn't want to ask.

he vomited more, as if that was even possible for him. he felt disgusting and dirty, his throat was burning along with his eyes. soon enough he was sobbing into his hands, loudly, at 3am. how pathetic, he thought to himself.

the door creaked open, followed by a sharp gasp. arms wrapped around his waist, and of course he hugged back, sobs ripping through his throat. it hurt so bad given the fact that he'd forcefully thrown up minutes ago.

his fingers clutched the back of bambams shirt, knuckles turning white. he needed comforting words, he always needed something more than what he got. he was selfish and needy but he lived off of praise, and reassurance, he needed it.

"it's okay babe, you're okay, i got you. you're gonna be just fine."