Open To Interpretation

Alive

you spend all day embracing the ground

watching the hours tick by,

keeping track of time with the drops of sweat that slide down your back.

it's exhausting to just be alive.

you sleep long enough to forget what day it is

dreaming all to vividly or not at all

waking every now and then

just for the sick reminder that the world is still turning,

that time is still passing,

and that you are still worth nothing.

you spend more time unconscious than you do on your feet,

but it is still not enough to truly feel rested.

you fear your reflection,

avoiding mirrors because you're afraid to find out what will be looking back

if the hollows that used to be your eyes have given way to the thoughts inside your mind

it feels disgusting just to be alive.

you stand in the shower

and scrub at your arms

until they are redder than they are recognizable.

you comb and comb and comb through your hair

but the tangles never seem to run out.

you could drown yourself in laundry detergent,

but it is still not enough to truly feel clean.

you lose your interests just as you lose your friends,

and sometimes you start to wonder if maybe this was all in your head.

you don't know what you'd do if you were just faking it this whole time.

it is so numbing just to be alive.