Hating You Sweetly (NEW EDIT)

36. Self

Chris' POV

But of course, it wasn't real. I dreamt Laura came back. I dreamt she chose me after everything that happened. I dreamt she wanted to marry me.

It was just a fucking dream.

My mind was playing tricks on me. That was how badly I wanted her.

But Laura probably wasn't even back from her work trip. She hadn't contacted me and I was too ashamed to harass her mother and friends about when she was coming home.

The idea of her running away instead of working out our problem scared me. Could we get past this? I know I lied and I held the truth from her for so long but what good would have come from it? I knew it would upset her. I knew it would hurt her knowing I tried getting back together with my ex.

I was done hurting her. That was why I chose not to tell her. At the time it felt like the right thing to do.

I was focused on changing her perspective of me. She already thought I was an asshole for not calling so to add to it that I was with someone else would have crushed any chance I had with her.

I just needed the opportunity to explain myself. 

Laura's POV

It was our last day laying in the Caribbean sun. Honestly, I wasn't ready to face reality. I wanted a few more days to relax and think to myself. It was so peaceful.

Clare had helped me realize I have been rushing into situations too often lately. I was indecisive about a lot of things.

I was easily influenced when it came to Chris. From the very beginning. I let him take advantage of me when I knew it was wrong, when I knew I deserved better than being used for cheap thrills. I should have used "no" more forcefully.

He had no respect for me then and I regretted not rejecting him more assuredly. I was consumed in this ridiculous fantasy that my long time crush actually wanted me in some kind of twisted way.

Why wasn't I repulsed by it then? I guess it didn't matter anymore. It seemed as though Chris had completely transformed into a different person. I wondered if the old him would pop back up.

He had no reason to treat me like that now.

I let guilt and insecurity rule over my life.

I didn't want to blame the whole world for the crap I was in because in the end it was my decision.

But I was easily influenced.

I felt the constant pressure of others to give him a chance; from my friends, Chris' family, even my own mother.

They questioned the decisions I made in my love life. Even when I was dating Will.

How often did I hear how being around me Chris was turning into a better person? He needed me. Chris had mentioned it on plenty of occasions.

Clare had wanted to shop with the local vendors on our last day. I thought it was a good idea bringing souvenirs back for my family.

It was just me and her and typically I hated shopping but Clare was so easy to talk to. She made it fun. I had a full bag of trinkets by midday.

"How are you feeling?" She asked as we sat under an umbrella at a small village cafe.

I order a coffee. It tasted so much better than the coffee back home. It was richer and held a slight flavor of hazelnut. "Good."