MY HEART'S DESIRE

as cold as ice

She held up my head by placing a hand on each side of my face.

"Let me look at you!" She beamed.

"My, you've grown!"

I sniffed, wiping a tear while holding the biggest smile on my face.

"Don't cry..." she smiled, adding a light hearted chuckle to her tone.

"Sorry..." I sniffed again, "I just haven't seen you in ages, is all... and so much has happened. I-"

"Aria!? Are you coming down? I'll be falling back to sleep at this rate." My father yelled from down stairs. I sighed.

"Go on," my mother whispered, "we'll catch up later."

I nodded my head, and with one last smile, I left the bathroom and walked down the stairs to where my father was waiting for me.

After my foot left the final step of the stair case, I kept my distance from him, too intimated to look him in the eyes.

"...Well?" His stern voice questioned. I could never tell if he was always irritated with me, or if it was just his nature.

"I...I need help," I choked out.

"With...?"

I gulped. There was no way to make needing bail money for people he didn't even know sound good.

It's not the fact that he didn't have the money. The man probably made five grand every couple of hours.

It's the fact that it'd be a favor for me, his daughter that he's basically rejected since birth...

"I'm not going to beat around the bush," I rushed the words out of my mouth, "I was out with a group of my friends tonight, some of the best damn people I've ever met. One of them was in danger, we all jumped in to protect him from the man who was trying to hurt him, and we did it, but... the police came. My friends were taken to jail for, what I'm guessing is, assault... the total bail to free them is $5000..."

I said all I could, I was a nervous wreck. Hopefully he could find it deep, deep down in the depths of his soul to do something for his daughter he'd neglected her whole life.

"That's why you're here? You show up at 3AM to ask for bail money!?" His voice raised.

I guess not.

"Why on Earth would I do that?" His hands were placed on his hips, fingers sinking into the cotton of his robe.

My fists were clenched by my sides so hard I was afraid they might start to bleed.

After that, all I saw was red. My demeanor completely changing. I felt as though I would soon explode from the anger.

As the heart in my chest soon began to race, I knew I was about to spit out every little detail of pent up frustration, anger, and disappointment since my childhood as if it were poison.

"Why? Are you kidding me?" I scoffed.

"Since I was a child, all you've done is treat me as if you wish I was never born! All my life I figured I was too much of a burden to you to even think of myself as someone capable of being loved by another man! Maybe that's why I latched myself onto an abusive relationship. I am the epitome of a girl with "daddy issues" because of you! I finally found a man who taught me that I'm able to be loved. He's good, and kind, and I know that he'll be there for me. Something that you never-"

"Wait, Ari-"

"No. You rejected me day after day, every moment of my life. All I had was mom. Then after Ally died..."

I took a deep breath, trying to calm down.

"After she was gone, I didn't have mom either. The neighborhood kids all had dads who'd play ball with them in the yard. Or take them on trips to the ice cream shop - you wouldn't even look at me! I was alone and you couldn't have cared less. You never did to begin with. So yes, I feel like after everything I've gone through with no father by my side, you owe me this one favor..."

My fists unclenched, my fingernails leaving the skin they'd previously been digging into.

Suddenly, I could breathe again. All the pressure and everything I'd held back from him for years had lifted itself from my burdens. Boy, that felt good...

But looking at my father's face, as cold as ice, I knew I was dead.

My jaw dropped, my lips moving without a thought or voice to guide them, not knowing what to say next.

What he did next caused my heart to plummet.

He turned, and walked up the steps, leaving.

Completely disregarding me once more as a final 'fuck you.'

I breathed, and breathed, and breathed until I felt the room start to spin. The color from my face drained, and my throat tightened, trapping a sob in the pit of my stomach.

I could never come back.

But one last question laid in the back of my mind, stuffed behind the pain and anguish of my own father's rejection.

'What now?'

I was about to turn to the front door to leave until I heard a creak from one of the
top steps.

My father appeared, he had changed into more presentable clothing, and his hair had been combed back.

He came back.

I felt my lower lip tremble.

He stared me down one last time before finally opening his mouth.

"I'll pay the bail for your friends - under 2 conditions."

I nodded my head frantically.

"...You come to visit more often, preferably on the weekends when work isn't as intolerable."

My heart which had previously felt weighed down in my chest, had suddenly been picked up.

He wanted me to visit. He wanted to see me. For the first time in my life, I was wanted by him.

"And secondly... I meet this boy of yours." He cocked an eyebrow

Oh shit, he wants to meet Noah. Will he scare him off? Dear lord please don't scare him off.

"O-Okay." I managed to crack the slightest of smiles.

I couldn't get over it. My father actually wanted something to do with me.

"Well, come on, let's go. Can't have your friends rot in jail before I meet them, can we?"