No More Secrets

Chapter 43

"What kind of question is that? Why would I ever do that?" I ask him. "The doctors found some heroine in your blood through a blood test. I am so worried; they want to use it against you." He explains. "B-But I never took such thing-" Then it hit me hard. "But I know who might have gave it to me." Zayn looks at me.

"Justin drugged me." Tears rush to my eye as soon as I start having flashbacks but Zayn didn't notice. "That son of a bitch." Zayn yells. "If I get my hands on him, I won't let go till he's fucking dead." Zayn spats with venom lacing his voice. But Zayn's words didn't make me feel better, they made me cry even harder. My lips were trembling and eyes were turning red.

"Mariam, please don't cry." Zayn hugs me. "You really need to think about reporting Justin. He kidnapped you, he abused you physically and he drugged you. I'll get you the best lawyer I know and will do everything we can to place that bitch where he belongs; behind bars."

I know this is the right thing to do but I am so scared. I'll have to confess all the things he did to me in front a judge, an attorney, the jury and even him. He'll be inches away from me. He'll staring at me the whole time I try to form words, just to scare me.

"It's going to be so hard." My breaths were shallow by now. "Mariam," Zayn looks me straight in my eyes. "But you'll get what you deserve, you'll do whatever you want without feeling scared to go out. You think I haven't noticed all bruises and cuts on your body? This is not fair!"

"This guy who harmed the woman I love and my daughter in all ways possible, gets to have his happily ever after? If you won't do it for yourself, do it for Maya." As soon as he said Maya's name I realized that this not my fight only to give up but I really do owe Maya her right even if I want to give up mine.

I nodded in response but Zayn stopped me mid way, crashing his lips on mine. His kiss gave me comfort, his whole presence did. "Zayn?" I call.

Zayn's POV:

"Yes?" I answer her. "I didn't tell you about Maya because I was terribly and utterly sacred. I can't lie I thought maybe you'd get angry-" She is looking at her hands. "I-I really wanted to.." She was crying. God! Seeing her cry kills me. "After telling my father and what happened...I-I just couldn't." She pauses for a moment to catch her breath.

"I have been abused by every male figure in my life and I didn't believe that what we had was going to actually last."

"Mariam," I cut her. "Please let me finish-" Her breaths were short and fast. Tears ran down her red soft cheeks. "I thought I was gonna move on from you someday and so will you. I thought we'd grow out of it." She bits her lips. "But I never fell out of love with you. I never loved Justin but he was a good distraction until he turned abusive." I was analyzing each moment and her body language gave off a vastly sad vibe.

I felt like all the air was knocked out of me. I want to take it all back. I want to take every single time I hurt her back then in highschool. Why did I ever lay my hand on her? How could I let myself go this far?! If only I knew what she was going through! I would have fucking took every single beating for her.

I couldn't hold back my tears, I tried to I swear. "Mariam, I am the luckiest man in the whole world because I have such a strong woman in my life. You faced this horrible universe's torture with love and a warm smile. You were too pure to be here." She was now looking at me with her teary eyes as wide as they can be.

"I am so sorry. I have been so selfish in the way that I reacted and I have been taking a lot of things for granted at the very top of that list was you." I hold her hand.

"You don't understand how beautiful you are inside out. Mariam, after all this hate you got from the world, yet you raised our child with all the love you had." I realized I never used 'our child' before but it sounds so right.

I wouldn't have imagined it any other way. Me, her and our little princess, that must be what heaven looks like. "I really didn't want to say this but you have been abusing yourself also. You didn't give yourself any credit for how hard you have been holding on. A lot of people tried to bring you down, including me but I realized I was so wrong and I have been living in regret ever since, but you didn't stop hurting yourself!" I stare deeply in her eyes.

"Give yourself some credit cause you deserve it. Hell, a lot of it." I didn't believe what happened next she hugged me. I was caught off guard but then I held her so tight. "You know what's so perfect about you?"

Before she could even open her mouth I answered my own question. "It's that even when the world beat you down you got back up again but not seeking revenge, only seeking love and kindness. I have never seen a person so kind-hearted like that before." I finish off.

She just holds on tighter to my torso. "Zayn," She calls. "Huh?" I answer. "You are the reason I made it out of this hell. If it weren't for Maya back then I am pretty sure I would have committed suicide or something and if it weren't for you right now, I wouldn't have never made it out alive." Her look is so innocent.

How can she look like an angel?

"I promise you, Mariam, I'll be by your side each step of the way." I kiss her forehead.

*

Mariam was resting for a little bit, the nurse gave her some sedatives. Poor her because of me, she wasn't able to sleep at all. I called the lads and they were on their way with Maya.

This must be what people warn you about in love, how you feel like you'll do anything for this person you love very deeply, how you feel like you can take on the world when you're together. This feeling is addictive, and here lies the problem, this isn't a once in a lifetime kinda thing.

This feeling comes along with the person you love, and the more time you spend next with them the more you get that feeling and the more you feel like you need it and crave it even more.

I am an addict. I lie here guilty, as I am addicted to her, her love, her voice, her aura. I love being even around her. I didn't want to confess it but I am wrapped around her little finger.

She's literally perfection and I hate it so much when she sees herself anything less than that! She faced so much pain in her life that even I didn't go through. Too much abuse, too much pain, too much hate and on the top that she was all alone but yet she never complained.

I hate how I miss-judged her, miss-treated her. And I shall hate the young me for ever thinking it was okay to lay a finger on her. I steal a look at her while she sleeping peacefully for the first time in so long.

I walk over to her bed and hold her hand. "I let you down and you being your forgiving-self, you gave me another chance without even thinking twice about it."

"If only-I can turn back time, I'd give you a reason to trust me, to have faith in me and tell me, not only about the pregnancy but everything!"

"Your abusive father, how much you missed your mother?, your dreams, your thoughts, anything. I would have been your shoulder that you can cry on when you feel a little sad, lean on when you need someone by your side. I would have been there if only I realized that earlier." A tear let hold of my eye and made it's way down my cheek.

"So here I am, again apologizing, and I'll keep doing it till the day I die because of how I let you down." I felt my chest actually hurting me.

Is this the guilt? Is this the regret I'll have to carry till I meet my creator?

"Hey mate!" I heard someone scream but before I could even turn around a little brown-haired creature was glued to my legs. "I missed you." She mumbled. All the air got knocked out of me after hearing those words.

I bend over and pick Maya up. "Zayn?" She calls, pushing her beautiful hair out of her face. "Is mommy okay? Can we go home now?" She looks at me with her enchanting big brown eyes. "Mommy is fine but she is resting for a little bit because she didn't sleep well." She nodded cautiously.

"Everything alright, mate?" Harry motions over to me. "Yeah, yeah. Can you take Maya for a second?"

He extended his arms for Maya to jump in and she does so. "Excuse me-" I run to the restroom. I take a few breath and organize their in and outs rhythm.

I grasp onto the sink so hard then slowly look up at the mirror. I made a mistake, a huge one but I will fix it.