No More Secrets

Chapter 39

I couldn't believe it I-I was outside.. The sun hit my sore skin for the very first time in a while. I started shaking so badly and sobbing heavily. I made it out alive! I just couldn't wrap my head around it. I never thought I was going to see another day.

I don't know how long I have been there but all I know it was too long. I scan my surroundings, I don't know where am I. All I see is a couple of empty parked cars that have a loaded layer of dust resting on them which means they have been here for some good time too and at the not very far, rested a lonely convenience store.

I walked in, "Hello, do you have a phone I could use please?" The guy behind the counter ran towards me. "Ma'am, are you okay?" He asks worriedly. I nod weakly. "Please, may I borrow your phone?" I ask once more.

"Yeah sure!" He says quickly handing me his cell phone. I enter Zayn's number. The phone starts to ring while my hands are still shaking.

"Here!" The guy hands me a juice box and bottle of water, while having a warm smile on his face. He seemed like he was 19 or so but not a year older.

I paused for a second. "Please take them! They are on me." He gives them to. "T-thank you-u.." I mange to blur out. I was so overwhelmed that I forgot the phone ringing in my hand. The call was on going for 0:03 seconds and I was still staring at the screen not believing Zayn picked up.

"Hello? Is anyone there?"

I could hear his voice it seemed sad but god I missed it so much. I missed him so much. Tears race down my cheeks. "Zayn-n.." I cry.

"Oh my god.. Mariam? Is that you?" He screams. "I-I-" I didn't know what to say.

"Are you okay? Mariam! Where are you?!" Zayn explodes with all these questions. "Zayn, I-I am f-fine. But is Maya with you?" I asked him this question and could feel my heart's pace go faster, I feel like there is a lump in throat to speak anymore.

"Yes, yes she is. This 'guy' took her to the police station and they announced about a lost child and we found her."

"Is she okay?" I cry. I don't know why am I crying anymore but I can't help it.

"We took her to the hospital to get her checked, thank god; it was nothing serious, only one bruise on her cheek which is almost gone by now but she is asking for you every second."

"I am fine but I don't know where I am. Wait! Wait!"

"Excuse me..eh Blake-e?" I take a while to read his clipped-on tag. "Yes, ma'am." He answers. "Could you tell me where am I?"

"You are at San Yisdro."

"I am on the outskirts of the United States! At San Yisdro." I inform Zayn.

"I am coming right now! Don't move!" Zayn hangs up.

"Thank you so much for everything, Blake." I whisper to him while handing him back his phone.

"Blake is my last name, I go by Alex." He flashes a small smile at me.

"So erm..can I ask you what happened?" Alex asks shyly.

I took a deep breath then I spoke, "Actually, I have been talking about it for too long can we talk about something else please?"

"Oh-yeah! Sure! I am so sorry if I overstepped a boundary." He apologizes hysterically. I place my hand on his. "Hey, hey. It was an honest mistake; you didn't know and it's fine." I smile.

A good few hours passed and I talked with Alex for sometime. He told me he has two younger siblings, a boy and a girl. His father died when he was really young and his mother is trying to keep a roof over their head so hard. He is working here to save for collage, Yale to be specific and of course, he is doing this to help his mom in the first place.

I thought that was really thoughtful of him. Nowadays, not a lot of teenagers tend to help their parents.

"I am sure she really appreciates what you're doing, Alex."

He looked towards me and nodded. "Hey! There is a black car beeping outside! Is that meant for you?"

I ran so fast, heading towards the car. The car's passenger door opened and Harry came out. I hugged him so hard. Harry took sometime to process all what's happening then he wrapped his shaking arms around me. "Mariam," He whispered in my hair. "I missed you so fucking much." He tighten his grip around my waist.

'Great, the water works is going to start again.' I mentally roll my eyes.

"Harry?" I rest my wounded cheek on his shoulder. "Yes, Mariam." He softly strokes my hair with his warm hand while holding me with the other.

"Don't ever fucking leave me again!"

"I shall die if this happens." I burry my face in his neck just like a small child running to his big brother after the big bad bully kicked his ass at school. I never wanted to let go.

"Mommy?" I was so overwhelmed with my feelings to notice my surroundings. Zayn was standing right next to me, with my maya on his hip.

'She', 'she' is the reason why I have to get my shit together. I can't fall down! I can't break! I can't give up because of her, Maya. My reason for living, my rainbow after the rain and my ray of sunshine at the end of the dark tunnel.

"She wanted to tag along and honestly, no could stop her." Zayn laughed. "Mommy!!" She screamed jumping on me. "M-Maya." I was so shocked. I let out a breath which was in for too long. "Mommy, don't ever let go of me! Mommy! Please stay with me!" She hugs me and lays her head on my chest.

I can't believe it. She just said the same thing I said to Harry. She felt the same thing I felt!

No! No! No! I promised myself I'd never let my daughter feel the same way I felt! I promised I'd never let her go through what I went through but I failed! I failed myself, I failed her, my mother and anyone who ever had hope in me.

"Stop crying mommy! No more bad guy here." She tells me, placing a hand on my shoulder. What can four-year-old ever do to deserve this? Nothing.

A toddler can do fucking anything and still won't deserve to go through this, never know her father, see her mother get beaten in front of her, get kidnapped, punched and kicked.

I failed her in all ways possible. I don't deserve her. I never did, but selfish me, had to keep her. I was too selfish to give her up. I couldn't live knowing she is living with her adoptive mother, telling her everyday that she loves her, calling her mom and giving her hugs and kisses.

A supportive hand rested on my shoulder. There was a warm smile on Zayn's face. He was trying to tell me that I did good, making me feel okay but I didn't deserve that too.

'Get in.' Zayn motioned to the car. I looked back searching for Alex and found him near the counter and mouthed a 'thank you'. He nodded in response, giving me another smile.

The car ride was so quite that nothing could be heard but Maya's soft snores. Zayn was is in the driver's seat while Harry in the passenger's and last but not least I and Maya were at the back with her resting her head in my laps.

To be honest, I didn't want to talk. All I wanted to do was think. Think how am I going to make it up to Maya. How to try and make her forget what she has been through? Maybe I could buy her $1000-dollar worth of toys and ice cream? Not enough. Take her to Disneyland? Nope.

I know it, I know what I have to do but me, being selfish again I can't. I should give her the gift of fatherhood. I should give her a father who would love her and care for her but I am too much of a coward to do that.

No! Enough is enough! This was the last straw and I am tried of being selfish and a coward and worst of being a liar! I am telling everyone the truth, today.