31. Confusion

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August 4th, 1993


I was at the bus stop, waiting for the next bus that was supposed to be here 'hours' ago. Not literally of course, but it damn sure felt like it. I came out here like around 3 something and it's almost four o clock now. You're probably wondering why I'm at the bus stop with all my things right now.

Well, take a wild guess...

Yep, Birdie kicked me out. And if that was your guess, you were correct. As soon as we got home he went upstairs and locked himself in his bedroom. I laid on the couch and drifted off to sleep. The next day he woke up and he was extremely angry with me still.

But I did not except what came next...

Yesterday night...

I woke up, stretching and yawning, wide awake for some reason. Well not for some reason, it's because I slept all day, and surprisingly Birdie let me do so. I sat up on the couch looking around, it was very dark, darker than usual.

I looked ahead of me and jumped back as I saw a dark figure. My panic went down as my anxiety went up as I noticed that it was just Birdie. He was looking at me, with fire in his eyes. I stared back, confused about what was happening right now.

"Birdie what are you---," My words trailed off as I saw what he was holding.

He had two suitcases. Both of which that were mine. I let out a confused laugh, standing to my feet. "B-Birdie what are you doing? Those are my suitcases."

He threw them down startling me. But still his lips were sealed shut, this cannot be happening right now, was the only thought in my mind as my heart started to beat out my chest.

"Birdie, please..." I tried pleading but the huge lump in my throat stopped me from doing so.

"Get out." He finally spoke, cutting my words short once more.

I took a hard swallow, shocked by what he just said. He stayed still as possible, his face cold.

But deep down inside I knew it was hurt...I hurt him bad...

"Wait what? Y-You want me to leave?"

"I paid for the house, now you have no accuse not to leave."

I stood there, still confused. "What? Ain't this what you wanted?"

I mean yeah, this is what I wanted, but not like this..I didn't wanna lose him, I wanted it to make us stronger as a whole...I couldn't even imagine losing Birdie, because I love him...

Maybe I should have said this then...

"This was never what I wanted." I stated. "But if this is what you want, fine I'll go."  And with that, I grabbed my suitcases and left the house.

He had a taxi outside for me, and most people would probably think that, that's so sweet, 'that he actually cares about how you getting home safely.' But for me, this hurt the most, that he was so ready to get rid of me that he had a car outside waiting.

So no, it was nothing sweet about this situation. Confusion, hurt feelings, and heartbreak.

On both sides...

Present day...

Yeah and that's why I'm now on my way to store but I have to take the bus there. My raggedy ass car broke down finally, so now I have to rely on bus transportation and it's honestly really gross. I mean come on, I'm Emoni Collins I grew up rich, how am I supposed to sit on a bus or a train and be cool with that, I'm sorry just no.

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