Love & Hate

Chapter 3

Chapter 3

I sat for a while longer at the picnic table before deciding it was time to head back to my dorm room. Walking in, there were only a couple of people there. Grabbing a bottle of Jack, I head to my room. Walking in, I close the door and lock it before walking to the bed and changing into some shorts and a tank top and leaning against the headboard. I take a good swig of Jack and sit there for a while before the tears start falling down my face. I can't do this.

Getting up the next morning, I am in the kitchen when the coffee finishes and Gemma walks in. "Morning baby girl." she greets me as I hand her a cup of coffee. "Morning Gemma." I say. "You okay?" she asked. "Not even close." I tell her, laughing a little. "Let's head into the office and talk before these assholes get up." she says and I follow her out there. Getting into the office, she makes sure both doors are closed and then asked, "What's going on?" I look at her and say "Things just got more complicated. I have one Son pissed at me because I can't give him anything more than friendship right now and another Son that has made it known that he's into me too." She looks at me shocked and says "Damn girl. Shit hits hard with you don't it?" She laughs and says "I know it's not funny but you gotta tell me. I know the one that's pissed at you is Kozik but who's the other one?" she asked. "Gemma, you can't say anything. Promise me." I plead. "After your dinner last night, one of them asked me to the park to talk. I explained what was going on and he told me the same thing you did about it all being bull shit and not to let that shit fuck me up and then told me that Koz wasn't the only one that was thinking about me and then he kissed me." I say. Her eyes go wide and she asked "Who was it?" I look down at my hands and say "Hap." Her eyes get even more wide, if that was possible. "Well, what do you think?" she asked after a couple of minutes. "That's the thing. I don't know. They are both sexy as hell and have some good qualities but I can't do that. I can't go there. Plus, I won't be the reason two brothers are having issues. I think it's time for me to find my own place." I tell her. Maybe some space will make things fade a little. They are only interested because I am the newest plaything." I say. "You know that's bull shit. But if you want to start looking, I will get our realtor on it today." Gemma says. "Thanks." I say and we start getting shit done.

A few minutes later, Happy and Kozik come in to clock in. "Coffee's fresh guys." I say without looking up and they both say "Thanks." and head out to the garage. It's going to be a long day. A little while later, Gemma leaves and it's just me in the office. "I'm heading to the diner. Want anything?" Sack asked. "Nah, I'm good. Thanks though." I say. "You okay?" he asked. "Yeah. Just wanna get this shit done." I tell him, looking back at my paperwork in front of me. A little bit later, Sack walks in and says "Jax ordered for you." and puts the bag down on the desk. "Oh. Thanks." I say. "I can cover the office." he says. "That's okay. I got it. Go. Eat." I tell him. He nods and walks out of the office. Time to close up shop and everyone is gone but me and Kozik. He walks in to clock out and asked "Are we good?" he asked. I look up at him and sigh, "Yeah. We're good. Just got a lot on my mind is all." I tell him. "I know about Hap." he says. "Then you know I told him the same thing I told you. I don't get close to people. That's it. I can't." I say. "I know. Hap and I talked. When you finally decide you want to stop being a stubborn ass, and decide you want to finally let yourself be happy, we will still be here. And no matter which one you choose, we are cool with it and will respect your choice." he says. He gets up and walks out and I get up and walk out of the office locking up.

I walk down the hallway and to the ladder to the roof. Going to sit up there, I look around at the surrounding neighborhood. All I can think about is the last thing I said to my ex. I don't deserve to be with anyone. I finally let myself move on a little by moving here and now I have not one man interested in me but two. Fuck. I hear someone come up onto the roof and see Jax. "Oh hey. I'm sorry. I shouldn't be up here." I say before starting towards the ladder. "Nah, it's good. I just come up here to think. But looks like you came for the same reason. Wanna talk about it?" he asked. "Jax, I don't know what the hell I'm doing." I say sitting back down and he sits next to me. "This about Koz and Hap?" he asked. "Yeah." I say. "Tara told me about your past. You just have to remember that it's just that. It's your past. It wasn't your fault and you have to stop pushing people away or else you are going to be alone and alone is a bad place to be. There's nothing wrong with letting people in." he says. "But that's the thing. The more I think about it the more I want to let them in but I can't let there be shit between them because I chose one over the other. I won't come between brothers like that." I tell him. "And we all respect that but Koz and Hap have been best friends since they were prospects back in Tacoma. They won't let anything come between those two. You don't have to worry about that." he says. "Then what do I do? I can't decide between them." I say. "Why not?" he asked. "Because there are things that I like about both of them. Koz makes me laugh. I hadn't laughed much since my ex died but he makes me laugh. He's sweet and I like talking to him. But then there's Happy. He's strong and sexy and tough but he let me see a gentle side to him that draws me in. Koz is sexy too but how do I choose?" I asked. "Spend some time one on one with them. Then decide." he says. "Okay." I say as he gets up to leave. "Can you send them up please?" I asked. "Sure thing Darlin." he says before climbing back down the ladder.

A few minutes later, both men are standing on the roof with me. They sit down across from me and Koz asked. "Are you okay?" I look up at him and say, "I will be. I need to talk to you both. I told you both about my past and you both told me the same thing, that I was allowed to be happy and you're right. I've let myself be miserable for too long and it's time to change that. But here's the thing. You both have told me that you are interested in me and I like both of you. I don't want to have to choose between you and it cause problems with you guys. You guys are brothers first. If this is going to be a problem, I need to know right now so I know what my next move is." I say. "It ain't a problem." Hap says. "No problem here." Koz says. "Good. So, here's what I have figured out but you both have to be in full agreement with it. I want to spend time with both of you, one on one. But to do this, you both have to agree that neither of you interfere with the other. I spend time with each of you and there will be no sex until I decide who I want to be with. Understood?" I asked. They both agree. "One more thing. If I see that this is causing any issues between the two of you, I walk away completely and I will pack my shit and leave Charming. Understood?" I ask. "Understood." They both say. "So, which one of us are you spending time with first?" Koz asked. I look at both for a minute and say "Koz. Are you okay with that Happy?" I asked. "Yeah. I'm good." he says. "Okay. I guess I will spend tomorrow evening with you and then the day after with Happy and then the next day to myself. I hate this guys but this is the only way I can keep sane." I tell them. Happy kisses my cheek and says "It's okay. See you later." He says before leaving the roof. "I'll start planning out tomorrow. Good night Rocky." Koz says before leaving the roof. I sat up there for a few minutes before heading down the ladder and into my room. Locking the door, I shower and lay in bed wondering what the fuck I just got myself into.