Light Me Up

8: Your Average Misfit

I wake up the next morning feeling a lot better then I did the night before. I'm happy, too. I don't even question what put me in a good mood as I walk to the bathroom and get in the shower. Once I'm finished, I go back into my room to find a text from Brooke that's telling me Jamie's address. Jamie lives closer to me than Brooke does, so I ask my mom if I can take my bike down a couple blocks. It'll only take me five minutes, maybe less, to get to Jamie's house. My mom is unsure, I'm still her baby and she won't let me grow up.

"I'll text you when I get there!" I beg.

"You'll text me every half hour," she mutters, bringing her cup of coffee to her lips. I take what I can get and I grab my bike out of the garage and begin my ride over.  It's a little more than awkward when I reach Jamie's house and realize where I am. Jamie and I barely talk, and I'm just waltzing up to her front door hoping to get high. Am I even serious?

Brooke answers, thank God, and she's smiling at me. She takes me inside where Jamie is standing there. I offer her a "hey" and she smiles in response. It doesn't take long for us to break out the two bowls Jamie was so proud of. I follow behind them as we make our way down to the park; the same park Tommy and I had went to maybe a week ago. All the kids had grown up in our neighborhood, so this place was almost always vacant. We sit down under the cover of the trees, a perfect spot where no one could see us from the street.

Once the high settles in, I find myself excluded from the conversation. Brooke and Jamie take up all the room there is in the conversation, and I take more interest in the sky, the trees, anything.

"It looks like it's going to rain," I say, still looking up at the gray, cloudy sky. They don't pay me much attention, but move on to the playground. With only two swings, I'm left out yet again. I sit on the playground steps, waiting for something to happen. A drop of rain falls right on my nose, "It's raining."

"No it's not," Jamie says. The clouds prove her wrong within the next five minutes. Rain is coming down in buckets, and I'm the first one to take cover under the playground. Jamie and Brooke sit there for a moment, but Brooke--like me-- can't help but think about what's happening to her hair, and joins me. Jamie sits there for another minute, before she shrugs and comes and sits with us. "You guys want to smoke again?" We all look at each other, saying we don't really care even though the answer is yes. "We're going to smoke in the rain!" I feel like a wet dog, but smoking seems to better my mood. After we decided we had enough of waiting out the rain, and that it wasn't going to stop, we head out of the park. The walk we took back to Jamie's felt like the longest walk of my life, and we were all drenched when we finally got there. Jamie gave us towels, "At least we probably don't smell." I laugh, yeah, I guess that was the good that came out of it. I feel sober, but I know I'm not.

I contributed little to nothing to the conversations we had for the next hour before I texted my mother and told her I was coming home. The rain had slowed to a light drizzle, and I said my short goodbyes to Brooke and Jamie. I thanked Jamie, who nodded and accepted the hug I gave her. I walk outside and get on my bike, and the seat is so soaked I can feel it through my pants. I groan, but peddle the short trip home, hoping no one sees me. When I get home I'm exhausted, so I toss my bike to the side of the garage and silently move inside the house. I wave to my mom, who is standing in the kitchen making dinner.

"What happened?" she gasps.

"I got caught in the rain," I smile tiredly. "I'm going to go take a shower."

"Okay, well dinner will be ready in an hour and a half." I nod, and take the stairs with all the energy I have left. Looking in the bathroom mirror, I find a racoon eyed girl looking back at me. I look like I've been crying, except my hair is drenched as well. My shower is short, but effective; and I barely have the energy to dry my hair before crashing on my bed.