Light Me Up

11: Lucid Dreamer Make Up Your Mind

Alex and Jesse were walking down the street right toward us, and I didn't know what to do. It's like the air was stolen from my lungs, and my voice stolen from my tongue. My feet were frozen to the cold, October pavement and I was entangled with Matt Klein. I have too many options, and I don't know which to pick. Pretend I didn't hear him and make out with Matt; try to drag Matt back inside the house; get in the car? I'm too high to make a decision and Matt is so close... He's my easy choice. I'm hoping to God Alex doesn't come any closer and recognize it's actually me, but unfortunately this costume didn't come with a mask.

"Is that Klein?" I can hear the grin in Jesse's voice, and I guess I don't have time to make a decision because now I'm stuck here. "Alex, it's Klein!" Matt turns his head to look at the two of them, not thrilled but amused.

"What are you assholes doing over here?"

"Shouldn't I be asking you that? You don't even live over here," Jesse says, stopping next to us. He looks at me for a moment. "It is Ryley! Oh god, and you're trying to take advantage of this girl..." At the mention of my name, I felt Alex's eyes fix on me. He stood next to Jesse after catching up, watching my every move.

"Yup, definitely taking advantage of her," Matt replied with a sarcastic edge. "Wait, you know Ryley?"

"Yeah, school... How do you know Ryley?" Jesse asked, looking at me. In that look I saw him judging me as a slut, and it put a fire under my ass a mile high.

"Shit, I wish I went there instead of Jefferson," Matt began, and I was thinking of an escape plan, but I felt the need to defend myself before I found my way out.

"We just met," was all I said, and Jesse seemed to shoot me a look I was supposed to understand.

"Yeah, this kid Danny who buys from me brought her here. I thought I was just giving him a ride, but Ryley was with him and damn she's something."

"Mentioning Danny," I said, speaking for the first time. I met Alex's piercing eyes before looking at Matt. "We need to find him."

"Right!" Matt agreed. "I'll be right back!" And then he walked away, leaving the three of us in a blanket of awkwardness. I was freezing, and I didn't know what to do; but my high was really kicking in. I didn't have to worry for long. I'd just have to worry later.

"Why don't we talk anymore?" I blurted, looking at Alex with my wide eyes. The eyes people told me I had when I wanted something. I knew how to use them.

"I think I'll leave you two alone," Jesse was biting back a smile as he backed away himself. He ran after Matt, hoping to catch up I guess. He was the only one smiling.

"I don't know," Alex shrugged.

I took a step closer to him, "I think you do." He shook his head at me, I think he's smiling. "Do you hate me?" I asked, toying with the zipper on his sweatshirt. He almost jumped; and I realized he didn't understand what I was doing. I just wanted him to touch me back, but he wouldn't.

"No," he stammered. "Did Klein smoke you up?"

"Yeah," I said, my voice low. "Why?" He shrugged, and I let out a groan. His eyes widened in surprise. "Alex! Why won't you answer any of my questions? Do you look at me everyday to confuse me? Do you not want to talk?"

I hear Jesse cackling to my left, and I look over to see Danny stumbling out of the house with a black eye and Matt at his side.

"What the hell?!" I screamed.

"The kid picked a fight with a guy who had a head on him," Matt shook his head.

"I didn't do anything!" Danny objected. "The guy obviously has a really unsatisfied girlfriend, and a really big complex about it."

I laughed, hugging Danny. He hugged me back... At least someone would! "I'm so cold, Dan."

"Yeah, we're going soon," he told me, rubbing my arms trying to warm me up. Danny looked in my eyes and looked at Matt. "Man, did you smoke with her again?"

"Yeah," Matt smirked.

"She has to be sober to go home!" Danny freaked out.

"Danny, it's fine," I said. "I've been high at home before, it's no big deal..."

The ride back was quiet, except for the couple reminders Matt needed to get us back home. When he stopped in front of the house, Danny thanked him and was out in a second. I leaned into front seat, kissing Matt's cheek, "Thanks for everything tonight."

"Here," he said, grabbing my hand. He searched around the car for a moment before coming up with something I couldn't see. In the dim street lighting, I made out a sharpie, and he was scrawling numbers on the back of my hand. "Call me sometime." I smiled, getting out of the car. I met Danny at the front door before we both ran upstairs. I quickly changed into my other clothes, simply telling and trusting Danny not to look at me while I stripped in his room. I was too tired to care. By twelve thirty on the dot I was walking through the front door.

"I'm sorry I didn't text or anything," I said quietly, passing my mom on the way to the stairs.

"Did you have fun?" she asked.

"Yeah, but I'm really tired," I sighed. "Can we please talk tomorrow?"

My mom nodded, "Goodnight, honey."

"'Night." I got to my room and closed the door. I threw my bag on the floor, and slipped into a pair of sweats and a fresh t-shirt. I didn't make much of an attempt to scrub off my makeup, but I did my best before crashing. I was gone within the five minutes my head hit the pillow.

I woke up the next day in wonder if anything that happened yesterday was real. I felt fine, and I really didn't feel much different. I was very aware that I was no longer a kissing virgin, and I'd very much like to kiss Matt again.

Matt.

My hand flew up from under my blankets, finding the numbers a little smeared, but still legible. I sighed, smiling. That would've been pretty awkward if I had to ask Danny for his number. I knew this weekend was definitely too soon to call, even though I really wanted to. I still can't believe Alex and Jesse turned up. Even more I can't believe what I said to him. I groaned, burrying my face into my pillow. My stomach was screaming at me to eat something, and before it ate itself I decided to follow the smell of bacon down to the kitchen.

"Happy November!" my father said, too excited for me at this hour.

"Yeah, November," I sat down at the kitchen table where a pretty plate of pancakes had my name all over them. Just another shitty month of more shitty choices I'm going to make. It's only November. God knows what else I could possibly screw up...