Even lovers drown (Jerrie)

Part twenty

A/N: I listened to this song as I wrote this chapter and now I feel pure angsty 🙈 Anyways, enjoy lovelies x

Perrie:

I stood in the middle of my hotel room surrounded by clothes. Everything I tried on was either too reveling, or too big, or not reveling enough, or not Jade's favourite color. I pulled at my hair in frustration. I felt like I was out in the ocean drowning and no matter how loud I shouted or how much I flailed my arms no one noticed. I need to calm the fuck down before I lost it completely.

I walked over to the mini bar, clad only in my lace red matching underwear, I tried not to think about how they were Jade's favorite pair on me. I pulled open the door and peered in, drinking alone in my hotel room wasn't usually my scene but there was no way I was going to survive tonight sober. I grabbed two small bottles of vodka and a soda water, emptying them into a glass as I walked back towards the bed, pulling out an short black dress, that showed plenty of cleavage and thigh high grey boots.

Adding the final curls to my hair, I stood back and surveyed myself in the mirror. My face looked pinched, like I had lost some weight. 'No wonder she doesn't want you' I said aloud. The self loathing I tried so hard to keep at bay bubbled inside of myself, threatening to spill out. 'Keep yourself together for another few days, just another few days' I said taking deep breaths.

A knock on the door startled me, I stumbled towards it, feeling the buzz of the vodka. I pulled the door open to reveal Jesy, I smiled while letting her in.

"Hey babes, where's Leigh?"

"She's not ready yet" Jesy answered, looking at me with a frown "are you okay?"

"I'm fine Jess, honest" I said, not meeting her eyes.

"Bullshite" she said, startling me "you haven't been fine for months. You've lost weight, your mood is up and down like a yo-yo and you've been keeping secrets" Jesy lowered her voice, looking concerned.

"What's going on? Tell me Pez, let me help"

I gulped. I couldn't tell Jesy now, not when I was in love with Jade and she didn't love me back. Jesy would flip, the band would suffer and it would be all my fault. No. I could fix this myself, I just needed to get back to London and I could fix everything.

I mustered a smile "everything is okay Jess, I would tell you otherwise"

She stared at me, hand on hip, opening her mouth to argue. Just then a knock sounded on the door. Thank god for Leigh-Anne. I went to get the door, but Jesy closed her hand around my wrist, stopping me.

"I know it has something to do with Jade. I'll leave it for the minute, but when we get back to London you are telling me what's going on"

I nodded curtly at her, before opening the door to Leigh.

"Let's go get drunk bitches" she cheered.

Finally someone was talking sense.

- - -

I could feel sweat running down my spine, but I didn't stop. I couldn't stop. I was so lost in the music that I hardly registered Leigh-Anne pulling on my arm slightly.

"Drink" she shouted into my ear, I nodded and let her drag me by the arm back to the VIP bar where Jesy was sitting chatting to someone who I couldn't quite make out. When we got there it was packed, I leaned towards the bar showing off my cleavage while sending a wink to the barman causing him to hurry over and take our order.