Even lovers drown (Jerrie)

Part twenty-one

A/N: Hello loves, I'm going to be gone away for a few days so this will be my last update until I'm back. The story is taking a bit of a darker turn and will touch on sensitive subjects. If anyone ever needs to talk or anything, I'm always around. Trigger warning. Topics of self harm. Enjoy your weekend xx

Perrie:

Two days later- London

Sun poured through the window of the van as we navigated through the London traffic. My eyes were swollen and red behind my sun glasses. We moved in relative silence. Leigh-Anne had been picked up by Andre, Jesy was asleep and Jade sat as far away from me as possible, typing on her phone.

We hadn't spoken since the incident in the bathroom; her silence was deafening.

I rubbed at my temples, my head ached. I couldn't wait to get back to the solitude of my flat, so that I could grieve for everything I had lost. One week, I thought bitterly, I'll have one week to learn to let go of four years of love.

"Miss Edwards we're here"

I looked up, surprised.

"Um- thank you" I whispered, my voice cracking slightly.

I grabbed my handbag as the driver got out to get my bags. I didn't dare look at her.

My hand trembled as I reached out for the door handle. My chest felt tight, like it could burst open any minute. Once I step outside of this van it's over, it's really over. Tears welled in my eyes as my fingers closed around the cool handle and pulled.

She didn't stop me. She didn't say a word. Why would she?

I thanked the driver and pulled my bags into my apartment. The door closing behind me echoed in the emptiness and then, slowly, I broke. It came in waves, sadness crashing over me, again and again and again. Until I let myself slide down the wall behind me, drowning in my despair.

I cried until I was empty. I cried until I had nothing left inside me.

As darkness filled the apartment I dragged myself to my feet and down the empty corridor to the bathroom. I shed my t-shirt and reached for my razor. I needed this. I pressed down hard, but there was no pain. No release. Just emptiness. I stopped when I started to feel light headed. Crimson dripped from my stomach.

My phone beeping dragged me back to my room. For a moment I was filled with hope that it would be Jade, telling me she loved me. Telling me she needed me. My phone flashed with Jesy's face. Clicking ignore, I put on Jade's Disney T-shirt and pulled the duvet up to my chin, falling into a broken sleep of bambi eyes, crimson tears and broken hearts.

- - -

Night melted into day and day into night. After two days of Jesy's constant calls, I was awoken one morning by the shrill ring of my phone. Expecting to see Jesy's name my finger hovered over the ignore icon as Sam's face filled my screen. Frowning, I clicked accept and held the phone to my ear with a shakey hand.

"Hello" my voice sounded scratchy from disuse.

"Perrie Hey" Sam greeted "Look I'm sorry to bother you on your week off but we've managed to get an interview with Glamour"

I swallowed. I couldn't be around Jade. I couldn't be around anyone. I was too broken.

"Sam I don't think I can do it" I whispered "I'm sick"

That wasn't a complete lie. I defiantly couldn't do it. I couldn't ache anymore, I couldn't take it.

"Perrie I'm sorry your sick, but this is non negotiable" Sam's clipped voice said "you'll be picked up by the van tomorrow at 8 am. Be ready"