Even lovers drown (Jerrie)

Part thirteen

Perrie:

I just about managed to struggle through lunch, trying to swallow my food past the lump that seemed to form in my throat. I knew I was acting strangely, but my paranoia about earlier had lead me to be convinced that Jade was aware of my scars. Despite my bizarre behavior she appeared calm, chatting away for the two of us about the writing process and some new ideas she had cultivated in LA during her writing session there over the summer. I tried to involve myself with nodding my head and adding noises of approval when she would look up at me but for the most part Jade kept up a one sided conversation until we had finished eating.

"You seem quite Pez, everything okay?"

"Everything's fine. I'm just taking it all in" I smiled " a lot has happened in the last month"

Maybe I could fish for information a bit, see if she even realized she was tracing my scars, I thought to myself.

"A lot of secrets" I glanced at Jade, trying to gauge her reaction.

"A lot of secrets told" she corrected.

If she only knew. I traced my finger absentmindedly around the rim of my glass.

"Um Pez" Jade broke the silence "Have you thought about telling Jes and Lee?"

I frowned. I had given her the perfect opportunity to bring up the scars, maybe she really was just rubbing my stomach. I looked up, to see Jade staring at me intently, realizing I had been quite for a while I cleared my throat.

"Ya I have thought about it" I murmured, "I don't want secrets between us, it's just hard"

"I know it is" she reached across the table to caress my hand "just think about it, for me"

I grinned at that. Surely she knew I would do anything for her.

"Should we head back to the hotel, we've already been here nearly three hours and I need to pack before our flight tomorrow" Jade asked as she checked her phone, a small frown on her face.

"Everything okay bubba?"

She pocketed her phone, flashing me a smile. "Everything's great Pez" she stood, holding out her hand "let's go babe".

Back at the hotel

Jade had gone back to her own room to pack up her stuff and I was now alone, mulling over what she had said at dinner. On the walk back I had decided that there was no way she knew about my scars, if she had she would have brought it up. It wouldn't be Jade to know someone was suffering and not say anything about it.

What really struck me was the idea of telling Jesy and Leigh about my sexuality. I wasn't worried about telling them I was bi per say, I was more worried about them finding out about the deal I had made with Jade. I knew for a fact they would have a problem with it and truthfully, I couldn't blame them. First of all there was the obvious issues of Jade cheating on her boyfriend. I pinched the bridge of my nose and took a deep breath. Even the idea of Jade cheating made me feel sick and a deep shame settled in my stomach.

I felt like such a hypocrite. A few years ago I was crying over the fact that Zayn had cheated on me and now I was involved with a girl who was in a committed relationship. I was caught up in so many lies it was hard to keep track of them all. I had to try and minimize the shitstorm I was creating around myself.

Without giving myself time to freak out I grabbed my phone and sent Jesy a text asking her to call over. I tapped my phone against my leg nervously as I waited for a response. A loud wrap on the door startled me.

"Who is it?"

"It's me you twat" I heard Jesy laugh.

I pulled the door open to be greeted with her grinning face.

"You do remember asking me to come over right" she playfully swatted my bum as she passed me.

"Of course I do" I laughed "I literally text you five seconds ago"

She stuck her tongue out at me as she grabbed a water from the mini fridge, kicked off her shoes and settled herself on the bed, patting the space beside her. I smiled fondly at her as I made my way to the bed. Flopping down on the bed, I lay my head in Jesy's lap.

"So what's up buttercup?" She asked as she racked her fingers through my hair.

"I need to tell you something Jes" I started and then stopped unsure of how to bring the conversation up. How do you casually start a conversation about sexuality. Oh fuck it, I thought to myself, I just have to say it. If I didn't spit it out now, I was going to lose my nerve.

"I um-" I took a breath "I don't know how to bring this up, so I'm just going to say it out. I'm bi"

I paused, waiting for a reaction.

"And?" Jesy asked.

"And"'I repeated"isn't that enough?" I asked, confused by her reaction.

Jesy burst out laughing. Surprised, I sat up and stared at her.

"What's so funny about that" I huffed.

"I'm sorry" she cackled "it's not funny" she continued to laugh. "It's not funny" she composed herself slightly "but babe I thought you were going to tell me you had met someone or something"

I looked away, afraid that my eyes would give me away at the mention of meeting someone.

"You're acting like you're not surprised" I said with a frown. I was seriously not expecting this to be her reaction.

"If I'm being honest Pez, I'm not surprised really"

I fixed her with a look "Jesy I've literally told no one but Jade about this, so how can you not be surprised"

She shrugged her shoulders.

"I've seen you check out girls before" she said nonchalantly "You're not exactly a smooth operator Pez"

"I can't believe you already knew" I said, mostly to myself, glancing at her I said "I've been worried about telling you"

"Pezza" she cooed as she pulled me into a hug "you're my sister, nothing you tell me could ever change the way I feel about you"

I melted into her.

"Thanks Jess" we pulled away from each other.

"I've got to say babe, I honestly thought you were going to tell me you had met someone"

She looked me in the eyes, it felt like she was searching mine. I broke the contact, feeling exposed. I didn't want to lie to Jesy, but I couldn't tell her the truth. She squeezed my hand and pulled her phone out of her back pocket.

"I'll get the girls to come over so we can watch a movie and hangout"

I pulled her into a tight hug. Trying to convey everything I felt.

"I love you Jes"

"I love you too sunshine and when you're ready to tell me what's going on, I'll be here"

A/N: I have the flu and  literally have nothing to do but sleep and update 😂 Èalu