Is This My Life?(Completed)

Week 6

Monday:

        I don't even remember falling asleep, last night... The last thing I remember, is sobbing against Hunter's chest. God that's embarrassing...

        He also thinks that I'm hurting myself... I won't say I've never done it before, but I soon learned that the physical pain I feel when people like Nathan and my father do those things to me is far more than enough to overpower the emotional pain I feel.

        If only I could tell Hunter... Tell him the truth, so that he'd never look at me the way he did last night, again. With his eyes so full of pain, pity, anger, and sadness.

        I'm snapped from my thoughts of last night as I hear someone knocking on my door. I flinch at the sudden, loud noise, then face my door, being sure to pull my sleeves down over my wrists, "C-Come in..." Kimberly walks in with her face contorted into an emotion I couldn't read.

        "Harley, sweetie..." She closes my door behind her then walks over to my bed and sits down in front of me. She puts her hand on my cheek and stares sadly into my eyes, then she brings her other hand out to gently grasp my hand. Then she moves her eyes from mine, and down to my wrist which she's slowly revealing by pushing up my shirt sleeve. I turn my head away from her as I hear a quiet gasp.

        I feel her shifting on my bed, until I feel her slender, safe arms wrapping around me. I feel the tears start to well up in my eyes again. "I-I'm sorry..."  I choke out those two words, needing Kimberly to know how sorry I am, sorry for hiding the truth about her husband, sorry for being the reason her family would be completely and totally broken apart if she ever was to find out... I'm so sorry to her, for pulling her family into my messed up life.

        It would've been better if Hunter had never met me... If we'd never become friends, and if I never came to life with them. It would've been better if my Dad never went to jail, and if Mom never ran. It'd be better if I was still at home, cowering on my bed, just waiting for the next moment Dad and his friends would be coming in to do such awful, unspeakable things, to me.

        I'm pulled quickly from these thoughts as Kimberly shakes her head and tightens her hug. "No, sweetie. You don't need to be sorry." She pulls away, keeping me at arms length as she looks into my eyes and smiles faintly, "But we're going to get you some help, okay? We'll get you someone to talk to, someone that can really help you to feel better." I bite my bottom lip and lower my eyes, "I... Don't need anyone but who I already have..." Kimberly gently puts her fingers under my chin and guides my face up to look at her, "I know better, Harley..." The sadness was back in her eyes, "You're hurting yourself, so there's obviously more to this than you're willing to tell us. You need to talk to someone, and-"

        I cut her off by shaking my head, the tears starting to fall, now, "Kimberly.... I promise that I do trust you enough, and I want to tell you, but... I can't..." I see her eyebrows kitting together in confusion, but before she can say anything else, I pull my sleeves down again and get up off the bed, heading toward my door, "I'm going to go take a shower, then I'll get ready for school..." Kimberly sighs and nods, "Okay... But you're not going to school today, I'm going to take you to see Dr. Juni, and we'll see how that little baby of yours is doing, yeah?"

        This puts a small smile on my lips as I nod, "Yeah... Okay." I walk into the bathroom, and prepare myself for the day.

        Kimberly and I arrive at Dr. Juni's office at 10:15. I check in, and am soon called back by the nurse, who's wearing baby blue scrubs, today. Since my last time here, I've read a lot about pregnancy and OB/GYN's. I learned that the cot-like table is actually just called a table, and that it's in all doctor's offices. The chair with the half circles is actually exactly the same thing, just with the back set up and stirrups  there to hold your legs apart, in case the doctor needs to have a look 'down there'. Then the machine in the middle is an ultrasound machine and the camera-like tools on the side are sort of like sonar cameras, like what they use in submarines. It's really the only way they can see the baby, without exerting any radiation, which I'm extremely grateful for.