Is This My Life?(Completed)

Week 8

Monday:

The many disruptive sounds of hospital machinery are what first clue me into the fact that I had been dreaming. It was still Thursday, and I'm still in the hospital. All of that was just one big, long, conflicting dream.

But... If that's the case... Why does my stomach hurt so bad? And my head?

Suddenly my eyes shoot open. The room looks exactly the same as before... In fact, it must be the exact same hospital room. I just got a headache and stomach ache during my sleep, and my subconscious put it into my dream... Put my mother, and Nathan, into my dream... Why it had to go so far as to kill my babies, I don't know... But I do know it was just a dream... That's it.

A short sigh of relief falls from my lips, though I can't help but think something's missing... 

I look around the room, trying to figure it out.

The first thing that I notice is that I was alone in the room... It seemed odd, considering before, Kimberly, Hunter, and Amanda were always here... Er, well.. At least one was. They didn't ever leave me alone, so.. Why now?

My brows pull together in confusion, not understanding why they'd leave me... Perhaps, unlike in my dream, they truly were disgusted by me after finding out about Nathan... Maybe they hated me now, and wanted nothing to do with me..?

I feel my eyes start to burn, tears falling down my cheeks as I painfully pull myself into a sitting position. I can't help it as my silent tears start turning to sobs, my mind playing over every possible thought they could've had about me... About what a slut I was, or how stupid and disgusting I was... What if they felt betrayed by me? If they thought that I was lying, just doing this for attention, or... Or-

My thoughts are cut off as I faintly hear the click of the room door opening, followed by the panicked voice of Amanda. "Harley! What's wrong?! Where does it hurt?!" Her questions are followed by her reaching out and holding my hands, and slowly I open my eyes, seeing her with tear tracks on her own cheeks. Suddenly, I can't help myself as I practically fall forward and engulf the younger girl into a hug. My arms tightening around her as I lay my head against her shoulder, she silently soothing my tears. 

"Shh... You're okay, Har... I'm here." It was when I'd finally calmed down a bit that I was able to notice the rawness of her voice. The emotions there were just so much more than I'd expected; than I'd ever wanted to hear from her... She sounded so.. Broken.

Slowly I pull back from the hug, looking Amanda in the eye as I try to get our dream-kiss out of my mind. This is reality... no way she'd want to kiss me, for real... "Amanda... I'm really, really sorry... B-but... I understand if you don't really want anything to do with me anymore.. I understand if none of you do.. What.. What I did was really bad, and... I just.. I understand."

"What are you talking about?" She looks at me in confusion, her hand coming up to cup my cheek gently, immediately warming not only my skin but also my insides with her small touch of affection. "Harley... You've done absolutely nothing wrong."

I shake my head and begin speaking again before she could get even a word out. "I s-slept with your Dad, Amanda..." I flinch at my own words, the images especially of my dream coming back full force.

Amanda shakes her own head, pulling me against her again. "Harley..." Her voice was full of pain and uncertainty as her fingers run smoothly through my hair. And as she sat there comforting me, I hated myself more and more for making her so upset... She didn't deserve it. "You know that we don't blame you for that... He's the sick one... You had no choice, Har. It's time to realize that you're not at fault."