Pink Peony | Namjin

Past Pt 6: Park Jimin

Spring, 2005
Jimin age 6

"Mommy, mommy! Look at this flower!" I exclaimed, running over and showing my mother a beautiful rose I had found.

She only smiled down at me softly, just barely before turning back to my father and whispering something. We were currently on a road trip heading from Seoul to Busan to visit my relitives that I've never met before but my parents kept giving each other weird glances and secretive conversations.

Ever since I could understand the people around me, I knew I was different, special even, but it wasn't good in my case. I have Hemophilia, in which teacher says that means that when I get hurt, I bleed too much. I have small lungs and a weak heart that aren't good for too much running, and weak muscles that don't allow me to do much. Mommy and daddy have to pay for my medicines and doctors appointments all the time and they always look at me with sadness but I know they love me.

Along our way to Busan, we stopped at this Arboretum to check out the scenery. Mommy and daddy looked down at me as I stood there with a smile and she smiled at him."Dad is going to go to the bathroom. While he does that, let's play a game of hide and seak, okay?" Mommy asked, bending over and smiling at me.

"Okay! Mommy, go hide!" I exclaimed gleefully, closing my eyes."Count to 30 for mommy, okay?" She asked and I nodded obediently, closing my eyes.

"1...2...3..." I counted at a steady pace, squeezing the rose in my small hand as I counted. Hide and seek was my favorite game because it was one of the least active, unlike tag.

Once I hit thirty, I opened my eyes with a bright smile, looking around for my parents. I gleefully ran around the small area, looking for them."Mommy, I'm going to find you!" I cried out happily, making sure not to run but do a light jog. Minutes passed and their was no sign of them. They were tall and big and most of the Arboretum was greenery, plants and trees so where could they be?

Minutes passed and I still couldn't find them, fear and worry starting to slowly deep into my bones and sprout from my heart.'What if they had gotten hurt? What if I can't find them again?' These thoughts scared me so I returned to the bench where I noticed mommy's littl hand purse sitting peacefully there.

It was emptied of all its contents except 100,000 won.

It was as if it was left there just for me.

I looked up as I noticed the sky starting to darken, night starting to fall over the Arboretum and I knew that my parents weren't coming back.

Having had overheard my parents over dozens of times through our thin walled apartment, I knew that they found me a problem to their pocket. My medications and doctors visits cost too much and I had heard them constantly talk about leaving me somewhere to get rid of me but I have never expected it to happen.

I had thought they loved me more than this.

The thought brought tears to my eyes and I gripped onto the small wallet of money and ran towards the bus station I had spotted on our drive in. The darkness stalked me, trying to catch me in its grasp as I started to cry, my chest hurting. Not because of my medical condition but because of the feeling of being betrayed by my own family.

I stumbled and fell onto my knees in which I started to cry. My knee had gotten scrapped and was oozing blood. With my hemophilia, I knew this was dnagerious. Forcing myself onto my feet, I limped the rest of the way to the bus station where I proceeded to fall onto the bench, my body aching and my head feeling full at the knowledge of being abandoned.

'How long can I last? Will I die at this rate?'Looking down at my knee a how it just oozes blood made me believe it was possible.'Maybe I should die, there's no point if anyone doesn't love me.'

I laid there in silence for hours, watching multiple buses stop at the station but then move along once they realized I wasn't getting on. As the hours passed and he moon continued to climb into the sky, the cold tarted to seep in, my body already numb from the blood loss to even feel it.

The wallet was the only thing giving me warmth because it gave me some type of hope that maybe I could survive.

But I knew that was a lie, I was abandoned because I'm too much of a burden and that it was diffcitul for someone like me to live a normal life.

'Abandoned.... I was abandoned' The thought was still struggling to be processed in my mind but my brain knew it wasn't a good thing.

"I'm all alone"

No one was coming back for me and no one was going to save me. The darkness of the night swallowed me whole and I didn't mind, it's not like I had anything else to live for.
————
The Present

I was shook softly awake, a voice calling out for me, reaching into the dark.

"Jimin!~ Are you okay?" They called out in a loud whisper.

It was Hoseok.

He looked at me with worry, gripping onto my shoulder. There was something wet on my face and I realized they were tears."You were having a bad dream." Yoongi said from behind me, wrapping his arm around my waist a bit tighter.

"I'm sorry.... just go back to bed, I'm better now." I replied, closing my eyes as the tension from their bodies slowly left them as they cuddles up close to me.

'That's right... I'm not alone anymore, I have two boyfriends whom love me so much unlike my parents did' I thought softly, gripping onto the bed a bit.

A part of my heart ached at the memory of being abandoned though.

'I'll make sure that never happens again'