Pink Peony | Namjin

History Pt 5: Kim Seokjin

~Warning: Mature sexual content~
December 4, 2013
Junior's in High School
Jin age 18

His hands freely roamed up my back, the feeling sending pleasurable tingles down my back.

I hated it.

Yes, I love Namjoon but our friendship had shifted into sex friends...... something I had hoped it never would turn into.

Wrapping my arms around his neck, I pulled him closer, the cold winter air from the windows seeping through the glass."Is this the only birthday present you got me?" I teased despite my slight heart ache.

"Of course not, I want you to feel amazing." He said, pulling off my shirt rather hastily and forcefully, kissing my neck.

Only months earlier had we just been friends. To think it escalated so fast.

"You're distracted." Namjoon said, pressing the palm of his hand harshly against my crotch, causing me to cry out in surprise.

"I am not." I resorted. In all honesty, I was kind of glad he had chosen me as his sex partner instead of a random person in our class. But, was I actually worth it? In his eyes, was I just someone to be used? I love him and cling to him like a needy child.

I've always longed for him and he never seemed to mind my touchy-feely personality, even though some found it odd. It only made me want to show my physical affection more.

"Yes, you are." He said, a hint of annoyance in his voice as he slid my pants down, causing me to shiver. He quickly noticed this and looked at me, a flash of worry crossing his face.

"Are you cold?" He asked, starting to rub my chest a bit as his other free hand started to unbutton his own shirt.

I looked away, embarrassed to see his bare chest. He was more masculine than I was, more muscles, a better toned body, and his deep voice. He had everything a girl wanted and I didn't. No one would like me for me, to everyone else, I was weird and an outcast, no matter how rich my parents were.

"Yes.... it is winter." I explained, Namjoon grabbing my chin and forcing me to look at him."Why are you getting all flustered? It's not like we haven't done this before." He said, grabbing the bottle of lubricant that laid on the bed, pouring some on his fingers causing me to involuntarily shudder.

People always saw me as the happy, perfect child. Good grades, good personality and attitude. But I too hid secrets and have a fake mask. My parents push me to get good grades, telling me that a CEO only has good grades, they try to push heterosexuality onto me, claiming I'm just in my "horny teenage phase" and think I like guys.

Not to mention the bullying. People like me, you get too physical with friends, too friendly, too trusting, of course rumors start.

I let out a loud yelp, not expecting Namjoon to shove two fingers in."I warned you to not get distracted." He teased, flashing his dimpled smile.

Fuck.

I always fell for him whenever he smiled, as if everything would be alright. He constantly consoled me, let me cry and complain to him, but I never think about him. How is he suffering yet smiling at me like the world is fine?

"Well, then maybe you should make things more interesting." I joked, seeing Namjoon's eyes slant causing me to involuntarily shudder at the sight. It was arousing seeing him look at me so seriously.

"Well, as the prince desires. It is his birthday after all." He smirked, taking off his belt. Before I could even ask what he was doing, my hands were bound by his belt.

"W-what?-"

"You said you wanted it to be more interesting. Plus, we've only ever had vanilla sex, wouldn't it be more fun and exciting to try something new?" He asked, giving me his slight puppy dog eyes.

I couldn't resist."I'm starting to feel more as if it's your birthday rather than mine." I said, flinching as he started to move his fingers. My parents weren't home, they were at a banquet, leaving Namjoon and me alone for the night.

He didn't reply, he only leaned over and kissed my neck, starting to suck and bite, almost as if he were a vampire."Hey, that actually kind of hur- OW!" I cried out as he full on bit me and I could feel the skin breaking on my neck. He pulled away, spitting the blood out into the empty glass of water on my night stand.

" I said it was going to be more interesting." He said, whipping the blood with his thumb as I felt it smear on my neck, gritting my teeth in pain.

"I don't think I like this game....." I said in a serious tone, the pain pulsing through my veins, the euphoric pleasure following after as it did with most wounds.

"Shhhh, it's fine, I won't be too rough." He replied, starting to stretch my insides and I let out a soft moan followed by a heated gasp as he grinded against me.

He pulled out a condom from his back pocket and tore it with his teeth and I could feel my insides twitch at the sight. Everything he did when we were behind a locked bedroom door was filled with so much sexual urge, I questioned if he was a pubescent teen or a sex addict.

"If I get to be too much, the safe word will be 'storm', okay?" He whispered gently in my ear in contrast to his rough actions.

We had never had a use for a safe word so I got a bit worried, wondering just exactly what he had in mind tonight.
——————
It hurts

I can't breath

I can't move

"Shit." Namjoon moaned, grinding harder against my mouth.

We've never done this before. And it hurt so much and I couldn't breath on top of that but his hand was entangled in my hair and pushed my head further. My legs shook and my hands clenched further into a harder fist, the restraints on my wrist tightening as my muscles tense more. I loved his warm,big hands but these hands were rough, pushing me to the limit.

Even though it hurt, even though I couldn't breath, even though I was crying, I couldn't bring myself to say the safe word as he pulled my head away and I gasped for air, coughing in the process.

I loved Namjoon and I feared that if I asked him to stop, if I told him it was too much, we would no longer have this intimate relationship.

And I could no longer pretend we were lovers.

"I'm sorry, I think I was too rough." He said softly, whipping away some of my saliva from my cheek with his once again gentle hands.

I continued to cry.

Not because I was in pain, but because I wanted him to love me as much as I loved him. I wanted those gentle hands to run through my hair, to have him look at me in the morning and smile, to embrace me like I was the most fragile thing on earth, just as his gaze sometimes does at school.

But he doesn't like me.

Namjoon has admitted he's bisexual but I don't stand a chance. To him, I'm his best friend that is okay with fulfilling his sexual desires in exchange for his emotional support.

"Don't cry Jin, I didn't mean to be so rough." He said softly, a hint of worry laced in his words.

He unbuckled his belt that was wrapped around my wrist and freed me from its tight grasp. My wrist were bright red and I questioned if this was something Namjoon was interested in. "I'm sorry, I seemed to be acting selfish tonight when it's your birthday." He said, pulling the covers over us, wrapping his arms around my waist.

I always loved to be in his arms, to be spooned, it was comforting.

"It's fine, it wasn't horrible." I said, although I was being honest, a part of me was sad at the realization that in the morning, Namjoon would flash his smile to my parents to win their favor and act as if this night never happened.

"I'm glade you liked it" He mumbled, settling down and I knew that he was winding down for sleep.

'I wish he would just realize how madly in love I am with him... I wish he would notice that the touchy-feely relationship I have with him is more intimate than with anyone else... I wish he loved me'