Thick and Thin [l. hemmings]

thirty-three

"It's not hard I can just call up my old dealer-"

"You know that's not what I meant." He spits, grabbing onto my wrists and pulling me close to him.

"Get off me." I mutter, shaking him off me.

"What's gotten into you?" He asks, his voice softer now.

"Alcohol, and cocaine, Ashton." I deadpan, staring directly at him.

"What happened?" He questions again.

"What do you think happened? I got drunk after I saw Luke, couldn't handle everything with him, bought blow, did it, Luke saw me, had I deal with that..."

"Kelsey-"

"Wait. Luke found out about Michael, Michael showed up when I was with Luke, we had a screaming match and Michael decided to break up with me. Luke gave me the papers. I got drunk waiting for my flight. Still a little fucked from what I had to drink on the plane."

"Wait, what? You need to go through all of this with me. You need to talk about this."

I shake my head, "Ashton, no, I don't. I'm going to go out and drink. I'm going to have a good time. I'm getting divorced and I need to celebrate."

"No. Come on-"

Groaning, I grab my stuff and head towards the door, "I won't drink. I know I can't. I'm going to go cry in my room now. Give me a bit to cool off."

He just nods as I walk out of his bedroom. I slam my bedroom door shut, dropping all of my stuff before falling onto my bed.

Telling Ashton right away wasn't part of my plan, but I knew I had to. Sooner was better than later. Though all I want to do is continue to be the complete opposite of sober, I know I need help. Ashton is somebody who would force me to get help, in the nicest way possible. He was also the only one I really felt like I could tell. I couldn't go to Nina or Kyle with this.

Curling up in bed, my eyes pool with tears but I won't let myself cry. I'm not going to do this again. I'll pretend everything is fine. Hearing the door open, I sigh.

"Kelsey, please tell me what happened." Ashton sighs, sitting next to where I'm lying in bed.

"I can't, Ashton. It was so bad." I tell him.

"Why did you drink?"

"The stress. Because of Luke. Because of Michael. I didn't want to deal with it. So, I drowned it out with alcohol. I somehow fell back into what I knew. Same thing with the blow."

"Kelsey..."

"I know."

"You're going to have to go back to rehab. And please tell me how the rest of your time in Seattle went."

I sigh, "I can't do rehab again. Ash, I can do it on my own, I know what I'm doing."

"Not sure I believe you, but-" Ashton pauses, a sigh passing his lips, "I guess I'll give you a chance. One. If you even think about relapsing, I swear-"

"I'll be okay." I interrupt.

Ashton stays silent for a moment, before speaking up again, "Why did Michael break up with you? Is it because you're married? When he finally answers me, I can talk to him-"

"It's not that."

"What was it then?"

"I kissed Luke."

"You what?"

"Ashton, listen, I'm sorry I did this-"

"I told you months ago to not tell Michael you were in love with him, if you were still in love with Luke." He interrupts, now getting angry.

"I didn't think I was still in love with Luke!"

"I told you what if you see Luke again and you realize you're still in love with him. That's exactly what happened!"

"Ashton, I'm sorry!" I choke out, "I just need you to hear me out, please!"

"I don't know if I can!"

"Listen, Ashton, I didn't mean for any of that to happen! But, yeah, I still have real feelings for Luke! I love Michael, I do. He's amazing, but-"

He scoffs, interrupting me, "This is unbelievable. We can talk tomorrow when we've both calmed down."

"Ashton, please." I sniffle, wiping the tears from my eyes.

"I'm sorry, Kels." He mumbles as he shakes his head before standing up and walking out.

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so, I saw yungblud last night and it changed mY LIFE. I almost met him. he got dragged off when he was two people away from me :( I can't believe there's still like 8 more days of this festival pray for me pls.