31. Secret

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3 weeks later...

Toby's POV

Spencer and Hope got out the hospital 2 weeks ago and moved in with Jason. Tanner pops in every day or so to check in on them since Jason's stopped drinking. I haven't seen Spencer since she got out the hospital but Jason needs my help building a cot for Hope's nursery so this is a good time to talk with her about us.

Hey, this is going to sound stupid but can you pick up a screwdriver if you're still at home. I forgot I lost mine. :/   ~Jason

I sigh and turn back to my house and text Jason back with a response.

Sure I'll see you in 5. :)   ~Toby

I click send and look up just as I collide with a small brunette. We both tumble to the floor.

"I'm so sorry miss, are you alright?" I ask offering her my hand.

She chuckles and grabs my hand. "No, no it's my fault. I never look where I'm going."

I pick up one of her books that spilled onto the pavement. "Wow police law, do you want to become a police officer?"

"Yeah, my dad was one before he retired so I want to be one as well."

"That's really cool. I'm Toby by the way." I hold my hand out for her to shake it which she gladly does.

"Yvonne." 

"You know I'm actually a police officer so if you ever need any tips or want to know anything let me know."

She smiles. "I will thanks. Oh wait." She fumbles in her bag for a second before pulling a notebook out an scribbling something down on it.

"My number." She says, smiling. "Maybe you can call me and we'll get a coffee sometime."

I smile back. "We'll see."

-.-.-.-

"How many parts are there in a goddam cot?" Jason moans.

I laugh. "Ah, the joys of parenthood."

"Hope's not even my baby."

"How are Spencer and Hope doing?"

I miss talking to Spencer and seeing Hope, I missed them way more than I thought I would. I sort of wish she'd come to live with me now instead of Jason. I'd make her pancakes and look after Hope when she wants to go out and...

Jason sighs. "Hope's doing really well. She's just a little ray of sunshine. But Spencer, lets just say I've gotten more used to staying up at night with her than sleeping. But it's stopped now, she barely makes a sound at night."

My heart sunk. "Oh."

"But I think her seeing will help. It did when she was in the hospital, that's what she told me."

I smile. "Well it's good to know I've helped her."

I hear the front door slam and few moments later Spencer comes in with Hope in a carry seat. I don't know how she does it but she always looks more beautiful every time I see her.

"Jason I- Oh hi Toby." She flashes me a smile and I give her a smile and Hope a small wave.

"You ok Spence?" Jason asks.

She nods. "Yeah, can one of you watch and change Hope for me? She threw up on me at the brew when I was with the girls."

Hope gurgles, like she knew what she did  and was proud of it.

"Sure." I say almost immediately.

"Thanks Toby, you're a life-saver." She says, before running to her room.

I scoop Hope up and Jason tells me where the changing table and Hope's clothes are. I can't stop thinking of Spencer and how happy she is. But Jason says she was having trouble sleeping? She looked fine just then. I frown in confusion as I search for more clothes for Hope. Spencer's a very complex person. I pull out a pale yellow onesie with a little duckling on it and Hope squirms and gurgles happily.

"Do you like this onesie?" I coo. "Well I can't get it on you if you don't stop fidgeting goofball."

She starts babbling and wriggling around again before I scoop her up.

"Lets go show mummy." I say to her, walking towards Spencer's room.

I give a small knock on the door but don't wait for a response. I push open her door and see Spencer still changing. She has no top on and you can see the scars on her back. Like a permanent reminder of what she's been through. I open my mouth to speak before Spencer pulls something out of her closet. Pills. She pops the lid open and pours a few into her hand.

"Spencer no!" I yell, startling Hope.

I place a crying Hope in her moses basket and run over to a sobbing Spencer. Jason thinks she's sleeping but she's not. She must be up all night trying to fight her subconscious demons.

"Spence why would you do this?" I mutter.

"I-I-I can't sleep at night." She sobs. "My mind won't shut off. Every time I close my eyes I see them, they're everywhere Toby and they won't go away!"

Tears welled in my eyes. "I know but you could've called me Spence, I could've helped you, talked to you."

She sniffs, tears flowing down her cheeks. "I didn't want to burden you. And I thought-the pills-the pills would quiet the noise."

I pull her close. "But Spence doing this, taking pills, you could loose Hope by doing this."

"She deserves someone better." She sniffs. "Instead of some emotional wreck."

"You're not an emotional wreck. You're just someone who's been strong for too long. But I am going to have to take those pills."

She reluctantly handed me over the bottle and I pocketed them. I'd get rid of them later.

"How many have you taken?" I asked her.

She gulps. "I haven't taken any today, but I-I took two yesterday and three for the last week."

"Promise me you'll stop and call me if you ever get the urge to take pills again."

She nods, burying her head deeper into my chest. "Are you going to tell Jason?"

I sigh. "I'm...not sure. You just need to promise that you won't take anymore pills."

She doesn't respond and instead wraps her arms around me.

After a few minutes of us standing like this she whispers, "I'm sorry Toby

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After a few minutes of us standing like this she whispers, "I'm sorry Toby." 

I simply gently pull away from her embrace, hand Hope to her and start to leave.

"I know you are Spencer." I say before shutting her door. 

I know you are. But you should have never done this.


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