Spoby: Through Her Pain

27. Hope

2 days later...

Spencer's POV

"Have you decided on a name yet?"

I groan. "Not yet."

I've been asked this question so many times over these past 2 days and I honestly don't know. The nurses say the name will just come to me, like I'll suddenly be overcome with the urge to call her Jane or something. Most mothers instantly look down at their child and know what to name them. Some women even plan the names before they give birth. But when I look down on her I just see my beautiful baby daughter. No name, just my beautiful baby.

Toby leans back in his chair, deep in thought. "I could recommend some names Spencer Jr, Spencey-"

I laugh. "Spencey? There's no way she's being called that."

Toby gasps. "Why? Spencey is a VERY good name!"

I slump back on the bed. "I have absolutely no hope of finding a name for her. It's too hard!"

She gurgles in her crib, wriggling around frantically. I lean over and scoop her up into my arms. She gives me an enormous grin. It's amazing to think that she was inside me only 3 days ago. I think back to times where I threw up down there and simply didn't think that there was a tiny human growing inside of me. And to think that I didn't want her only hours after having her must have been horrible for her. She probably didn't understand what was going on but she was an innocent, little baby that I just turned my back on. I don't even deserve to name her. She's so pure, just so filled with...

"Hope." I whisper.

She stares up at me, almost letting me know that she understands me.

"Hope." I say again, a little louder this time. "That's your name baby, isn't it?"

"I thought you said hope is a dirty 4-letter word."

"I also said it breeds eternal misery but I just know she's going to grow up and have a beautiful life that's nothing like mine was. Her future will be completely different to mine."

"Have you thought of a middle name yet?"

I nod. "Melissa. She always talked when we were little abut her big family and how there'd be loads of mini hers running around. And I want Hope to have a piece of her with her all the time. So Hope Melissa Hastings."

"Wait, Hastings?"

"Yeah, that's my surname unfortunately." I mutter the last part.

Toby stands up suddenly, looking shocked. 

"Hey, are you ok?" I ask him.

"I just need some air." He mutters, before leaving.

Toby's POV

As soon as I leave Spencer's room I call Tanner. I can't believe this.

"We need to talk Tanner. It's about Jason."