Spoby: Through Her Pain

26. Bonding

Toby's POV

"Cavanaugh, do you want me to talk to her?" Tanner asks, putting a hand on my shoulder.

"No, no I'll do it." I say, before opening her door and stepping in.

I close the door behind me and pull a chair next to her bed, careful not to wake her. I trace her jawline with the tip of my finger until she gives a deep sigh and rolls over, muttering gibberish to herself. I leaned over her, planting a kiss on her lips. I watch her eyelids flutter open and meet mine. She faces me as a silent tear trails down her cheek.

"Hey, what's wrong?" I say, wiping her tear away.

"P-Please tell me that didn't happen." She sobbed. "T-That the baby's not real. Please."

I look at her, unsure of what to say. 

I grab her hand in mine. "Spence, it's-" 

She breaks down into sobs, pulling her hand away from mine and rolling over. She lets out heart-wracking sobs that take over her whole body. I try to comfort her but she twists away from my touch.

About an hour later the nurse comes in, pushing the wheelie cot (I don't know what that hospital thing is called that you put the baby in!) holding that tiny little infant. She parks it next to the side of Spencer's bed but Spencer doesn't move and continues to stare at the wall.

"Ms Hastings I've bought your beautiful baby girl to come and see you." The nurse coos, leaning down to pick up the tiny infant.

Spencer doesn't move. She doesn't react to this at all. She just continues to stare at the wall. The nurse sighs and places the baby back into the wheelie cot. She looks at her watch before quickly beckoning me to the corner of the room.

"I have another patient to get to. Would it be ok if-" She gestures towards Spencer.

"I'll look after them."

Relief floods her face as she walks towards the door. "I'll be back in a few hours for the baby." And then she shuts the door.

I turn back to Spencer, only to see she hasn't moved. What a surprise. If she won't bond with this baby then I will. I gently scoop the tiny infant up, careful to support her head. She looks up at me with a big smile on her face.

"Hey little goofball, it looks like you remember me." I smile, tickling her neck.

She giggles in response and wriggles around frantically, very excited.

"You're just a little bundle of energy now aren't you?" I laugh, rocking her back and forth.

I look over at Spencer. She still hasn't moved.  

Spencer's POV

I can't look at her. It hurts too much to. She probably looks like him anyway. When I was down there they stripped me of every piece of dignity I had, even my virginity. Even if I do learn to love her, there'll always be that dull ache that constantly reminds me of where she came from.

Flashback 9 months ago

"Shh sweetheart, this'll be amazing." He whispers in my ear, biting it slightly.

I writhe on the bed, my hands tied to the bed rails as he approaches me, undoing his belt as he comes closer. I scream for help though my mouth has been duct-taped shut. He gets on top of my and pulls of my underwear. 

"Don't worry baby, you'll have the time of your life." He says, while sticking his hand up my nightdress. 

I scream as he enters me, tears streaming down my face. He takes his hand out and opens my legs apart. My instincts kick in as he leans down and my foot connects with his face.

"You little bitch!" He screams, slapping me hard across the face. 

I sob as he ties my feet to each bedpost, knowing now he's won.

End of Flashback

I'm thrown back into reality by the sound of the baby crying. I try to ignore her, thinking Toby will take her, but he doesn't. I turn round to see Toby gone. He probably went for a coffee. The baby's still crying, so I look down on her. This is the first time I've seen her apart from when she was born. She doesn't look a bit like what I expected. She looks exactly like me. A mini me. I reach down into the cot and thread my finger with her hand. She grasps onto it curiously, and starts sucking on it. I smile. My baby looks up at me, curiosity dancing behind her brown eyes. I reach down into the crib and scoop her up. She flails a bit in my arms and whimpers slightly, but she soon settles down and closes her eyes. I start singing to her softly, feeling completely at piece and complete for the first time ever. She is my daughter, my everything, my whole world. And I will never let her go.

Toby's POV

I'm just about to enter Spencer's room to see how her and the baby are getting on. I deliberately left for longer just to see if they would really connect. If they don't, then Spencer has a jam doughnut to munch on while I get another snuggle with Spencer Jr. I stop outside Spencer's door listening to the faint murmur of someone singing. I open the door to see Spencer cuddling the baby whilst singing a lullaby to her.

"Hush, little baby, don't say a word.
Mama's going to buy you a mocking bird. And if that mocking bird don't sing,
Mama's going to buy you a diamond ring. And if that diamond ring turns brass,
Mama's going to buy you a looking glass. And if that looking glass gets broke,
Mama's going to buy you a billy goat. And if that billy goat don't pull,
Mama's going to you a cart and bull. And if that cart and bull turn over,
Mama's going to buy a dog called Rover. And if that dog called Rover don't bark,
Mama's going to buy you a horse and cart. And if that horse and cart turn round,
You'll still be the sweetest little babe in town."

I wait until she finishes before giving her a silent applaud. She looks back at me smiling. Her eyes are overwhelmed with love and I know her heart has grown maybe 3 sizes. Spencer is happy. Truly, truly happy. And that makes me happy too.